And. It. Was. Terrible. On so many levels. The only reason we saw it was because we were able to see it *together.* Three catchphrases: "Ew" - at an unexpected sniffing by Christian Grey; "That was the worst movie I have ever seen" - before the credits even started; "What the fuck?!" - a certain side view. We even came to the conclusion that Christian Grey IS Patrick Bateman.
It was just bad and even the expectation of soft core porn was not met. The sex scenes weren't even that good, man. Not to mention, it is just really just fucked up. Yes, movies are supposed to be entertainment, but when people go to see a movie expecting an education in a lifestyle choice and THAT'S what you get... there is a problem. So, here we go:
First, it was just BAD. There was no "eye catching" or "sit up in your seat and pay attention" or "wow, such sexual tension" moment. Examples: the library scene in "Atonement;" the whistling scene in "To Have and Have Not;" Dom taking care of Letty as they are working on cars in "The Fast and the Furious;" etc.... All around a boring script that goes from meh-ness, to spanking, to wah-ness, to ropes, to outright terrible.
Really, Dakota Johnson in this movie is only slightly better than Kristen Stewart's emotional range. And, I love me some Jamie Dornan - he is a beautiful man and I love how is accent slightly comes out at times - but he is not a fitting Christian Grey.
This is not meant to be a view of a healthy and mutual relationship. Sure, there are type-A people in relationships with non-Type-A folks, but there is usually a complement there. This relationship is controlled by a narcissistic sociopath who wants it his way or no way and wants to inflict pain to punish, not for mutual pleasure. Not to mention if you break into a girl's apartment, it's breaking and entering; if you sell a girl's car without telling her, that's theft; if you give a girl a laptop and car to persuade her to abide by your rules, you are basically making her a prostitute. FYI - not cool.
And, ultimately, as far as I know (I am not claiming to be an expert, but I have google and have talked to people who may or may not have participated in it), it is not indicative of a BDSM lifestyle. To each his own man, especially in the bedroom, but what happens in the bedroom should be a mutual understanding and sharing of desires. Be dominant; be submissive; lady in the street, freak in the bed... go for it - but when it is expected for a partner to submit to the other for things like where to go for dinner, and if you get off on inflicting pain for punishment and the other person doesn't like it THAT IS ABUSE.
Not to mention, there seemed to be a theme that liking BDSM is a result of an abusive, traumatic or fucked up childhood, which I also think is a poor message. Engaging in this in the bedroom or is a piece of a mutual loving and understanding relationship, doesn't necessarily mean that there is a dysfunctional relationship. In fact, finding a place where you and your partner can ultimately trust each other and share something that you both enjoy is a key part to a happy and healthy relationship. However, the way Grey manipulates, controls and inflicts pain to punish is demonstrative of being fucked up or just being a bad fucking person.
It may not be your bag, but not everyone is into the same thing. That's cool - do you. But, participation needs to be mutual rather than imposed.
Bottom line, the story is ridiculous and the movie was the worst. Carry on.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Monday, March 17, 2014
Suddenly self-conscious single
For some reason I have suddenly become super self-conscious that I am single. Not in the "I am so looooooonely and will die ALONE WAHHHHHHHH" kind of way, but in the "wow, I really am pretty much the last of my friends that is single. Whut?!" It kind of hit me ridiculously hard this weekend for some reason - maybe it is because two of my usual single stand-bys suddenly BOTH have lady friends. And all of a sudden, I feel like I have to change around them (it doesn't help that I have a history with one of them... but that is drama for another day) sometimes. It's not like I can't be my usual asshole self, but I feel like maaaayyyybe some jokes just can't be said anymore around them. And so, I am SUPER self-conscious about it.
I made a comment about it this weekend, and folks in the crew didn't seem to understand that even with not all of the significant others there, it was still weird. All the hooked up ones were either smooching or cuddling with their boos, and if they weren't there they were texting them. Then there was me... drunk texting one of the Harvettes. I am totally OK with being the one drunk texting the babies, but, really, having a companion doing the same would be GLORIOUS. Maybe part of it is that I am also the "crazy" one - in the "let's party til we drop, fools" kind of way. Aaaaaand they've all allowed age to get the better of them.
It probably also doesn't help that, as the lone single one, everyone else seems to have a "find a dude Becca can hook up with or make out with or marry" radar out in full force when we go out. Sometimes it works, usually it doesn't. I am perfectly capable of creepin' all by myself, thank you very much. So, because I am pretty much the last one, I am hyper aware of it, which in turn becomes a hyper ridiculous situation at times. Eh. Oh well - see you out there, friends...
I made a comment about it this weekend, and folks in the crew didn't seem to understand that even with not all of the significant others there, it was still weird. All the hooked up ones were either smooching or cuddling with their boos, and if they weren't there they were texting them. Then there was me... drunk texting one of the Harvettes. I am totally OK with being the one drunk texting the babies, but, really, having a companion doing the same would be GLORIOUS. Maybe part of it is that I am also the "crazy" one - in the "let's party til we drop, fools" kind of way. Aaaaaand they've all allowed age to get the better of them.
It probably also doesn't help that, as the lone single one, everyone else seems to have a "find a dude Becca can hook up with or make out with or marry" radar out in full force when we go out. Sometimes it works, usually it doesn't. I am perfectly capable of creepin' all by myself, thank you very much. So, because I am pretty much the last one, I am hyper aware of it, which in turn becomes a hyper ridiculous situation at times. Eh. Oh well - see you out there, friends...
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Why do we qualify rejections?
"You're a pretty girl, but...."
"I think you're a great guy, but..."
How many times have we said these things or had these things said to us? Why do we have to qualify why we are rejecting someone? I mean, why can't we just say "I just don't dig you." We don't need to lay out some bullshit line to pick someone up, just to bring 'em down. To me, tossing out that little caveat at the beginning makes rejection sting a little but more, mainly because it seems like a load of, well, bullshit, and you felt the need to throw out a condescending remark. Often times, this makes the person feel low, used, and like shit.
I get it, we don't want to hurt someone's feelings, and we think that giving the person a little piece of warm and fuzzies will make rejection go down smooth. In actuality, it makes it a little sugar high into a major sugar crash.
Just be honest about it: "I don't dig you, sorry dude." If there's a reason, or they ask you why, say it: "you're too wild" or "you're a Yankees fan" or "there's just no spark." Honesty people, just throw it out there without some nonsense line to start the conversation. I am not saying being a dick about it, but adding on a load of sugar isn't going to make it any better, either. And really, honesty up front, without a load fluff around it, will make things a whole lot easier. We accept it, we stay buddies (or move on to the next one).
Seriously, a spoonful of honest sugar helps the medicine go down; adding a little "but...." at the beginning turns it way too sour.
"I think you're a great guy, but..."
How many times have we said these things or had these things said to us? Why do we have to qualify why we are rejecting someone? I mean, why can't we just say "I just don't dig you." We don't need to lay out some bullshit line to pick someone up, just to bring 'em down. To me, tossing out that little caveat at the beginning makes rejection sting a little but more, mainly because it seems like a load of, well, bullshit, and you felt the need to throw out a condescending remark. Often times, this makes the person feel low, used, and like shit.
I get it, we don't want to hurt someone's feelings, and we think that giving the person a little piece of warm and fuzzies will make rejection go down smooth. In actuality, it makes it a little sugar high into a major sugar crash.
Just be honest about it: "I don't dig you, sorry dude." If there's a reason, or they ask you why, say it: "you're too wild" or "you're a Yankees fan" or "there's just no spark." Honesty people, just throw it out there without some nonsense line to start the conversation. I am not saying being a dick about it, but adding on a load of sugar isn't going to make it any better, either. And really, honesty up front, without a load fluff around it, will make things a whole lot easier. We accept it, we stay buddies (or move on to the next one).
Seriously, a spoonful of honest sugar helps the medicine go down; adding a little "but...." at the beginning turns it way too sour.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Why do I have to explain why I'm single? #IWD2014
It is International Women's Day, and believe me we've come a long way, but there's more to do. This iteration is brought to you by this question: why do I have to explain why I'm single?
When people find out I'm single, it often goes to "did you just break up?" or "he's out there" or "you're such a catch." The last one is debatable, but whatever. When I say I'm single by choice I get stares; I get a more tame reaction when I say I don't want kids. The fact that me not wanting to procreate is more acceptable than my pride in being single is surprising.
I have to explain I'm not anti-relationship... but I kind of am. Being single doesn't always mean being lonely; I've been more lonely with a bf than when single. Point is, a relationship will only happen when there are fireworks - not sparklers, but Magic Kingdom Wishes fireworks. I don't have time to see if that sparkler will become a spectacle, but it needs to be there at the start. I've had crazy fireworks x1000 once and I won't settle for anything less at the get go.
Why is that so hard to understand?
I mean, I'm usually attracted to someone put together (job, etc) but unavailable. Generally, it's someone emotionally unavailable (like me), emotionally retarded (like me), or broken (like me), which leads to, well, nothing. That's the way the cookie crumbles. AND I'M OK WITH THAT. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ANYTHING ELSE.
As a woman who recently celebrated a Mike Piazza birthday, this is crazy talk to some. Not the fact that I'm single, but the fact that IDGAF and won't attempt it unless there's a ridiculous fireworks show. I mean, why not? I've got a good life, and there are parameters to disrupting that. Wishes fireworks.
If I were a dude, this would all be totally unquestionable. I mean, they are the ones with careers and a wild streak and all that. So why is it they are distinguished bachelors, but I'm a head case cat lady? What's the difference? A vagina, neediness and maternal instincts, apparently. NOPE. I'm generally the crazy one with a wild streak... so why isn't acceptable for me?
Show me Wishes, and I'll consider changing it up. Until then, I'll make out a time or two with a sparkler and go on my merry way.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Men should not be the only ones resurrecting chivalry
There is all this talk of chivalry being dead, and everyone needs to point out all the things men need to do to/for women to help bring it back.
What does chivalry even mean? It goes back to the Middle Ages and the ideal qualities and character of knights, including mercy towards the poor, humility, valor, faithfulness, courage, fear of God, and graciousness and courtesy to women. Chivalry and its related traits are generally noble and something we should aspire to - so why is it limited to what men should do? Why shouldn't women be held to the same standard and why is it only left to men?
This article talks about the 8 things men should do for women. Some, admittedly, may be seen as sweet when offered on occasion or during the courting process, but shouldn't it work both ways (at least a little)? Moreover, why should women have the expectations that men do these things for them ALL THE TIME. Whether you're in a relationship or in society at large, the high expectations that men treat you "special" or act in a chivalrous manner 24/7 is unfair and unrealistic. Not to mention, blurring the lines of professional courtesy.
It talks about dropping her off at the door if you have to drive around to find a parking spot (especially if she is in heels). Well, I have been in situations where the dude I was with got new shoes - and of course he didn't wear them in so he's kvetching about how uncomfortable they are. If she is comfortable in her attire and footwear, why shouldn't she drop him off? Wouldn't that be the courteous thing to do?
But the biggest thing that chaps my ass is the whole "giving up the seat" thing. "I always cringe a bit when I see a woman or elderly person forced to stand while young men remain distracted by their phones." Why the hell are women lumped in with the elderly (which I think seats should absolutely be offered up to, if they want it)? Generally, when we use the term "elderly" we ever to older fools who may not have the strength or stamina of others (really, I know some pushing 80 that are stronger than most dudes in their 20s) - do you see women the same way?
Doesn't it occur to you that a male could be just as much dead on their feet as a woman, and just needs to sit down on that long trip home? Why should a man who has been working on his feet all day at a deli have to give up his seat to a woman who is just starting her day? Why is that same man any different than a woman who has been on her feet all day working at a retail store? Aren't their efforts equal - a long day on their feet? Regardless of gender, if you are refreshed and getting your day started, and you see someone get on the train that you can tell was on their feet for hours (or is frazzled our looks like their feet are generally killing them), maybe, as a person, you should consider letting that person have your seat - whether it be a man or a woman. Chivalry is about generosity and mercy - why is it limited to showing those traits to women? Why couldn't a man do something similar for another man? Or a female for another female?
SN: You offer me your seat just because I am a female, and I will squarely turn your ass down. If you offer it to me because you can tell I am beat and need to take a load off, whether you are male or female, I will be gracious regardless of whether I take you up on your offer.
I am in no way saying dudes shouldn't do these things - they will certainly get you points when you first start dating or are stuck in the doghouse - but why should they be the only one held to this standard? Doing all of these things, all of the time, can sometimes take the level of "courtesy" to the next level of giving her a sense of helplessness. Both men and women in a relationship need to find that happy medium - for themselves and their relationship.
This also needs to happen in society in general. If I'm at work, I don't expect, nor do I want, to see men carrying out acts of chivalry. We work together, we are professionals, and me being female should not mean I'm treated differently. Standing around waiting for the men in front of me to get on the elevator, only to have them step aside and defer until I walk to the front of the crowd to get on first because I'm a lady, is so goddam annoying. Don't make me parade through the crowd - GET ON THE DAMN ELEVATOR.
Find a balance, guys, and don't be dicks. Let's treat everyone right - and reserve special acts of chivalry for sporadic brownie points. Don't let gender decide who does it or expects to see it.
Promotion! New agency! And I am freaking out!
ICYMI: I got a new job. I have been with OGS as an Agency Labor Rep since May. I accepted a promotion at the Department of Environmental Conservation as an Agency Labor Rep 2. It is a small office - it is an ALR3 and me (and a Director who oversees other things).... And. So. I. Am. Freaking. Out.
Back during the interview process, this was the first interview where NONE of the cookie cutter questions that college and our future-grooming tried to prepare us for were asked. The questions were all about my experience - a bit of a surprise for me. Before this, promotions were a natural progression and changing fields was a new experience where my skills was all I needed (and not necessarily subject matter knowledge). But, now, I am expected to know what the hell I am doing, and do it at a higher level. I have been in the Labor Relations field for 9 months, and during the interview I realized how much stuff I actually DID and that I actually (kinda) knew what I was doing.
It is invigorating and unnerving, scary and exhilarating. I know I can do the job, and I know I will be good at it because I like what I do, but this is the moment where adulthood actually slaps you in the face. No panic, but clear anxiety that will pass once I walk in there the first day. Charismatic, goofy, ridiculous Becca will arrive and knock their socks off. Maybe the best thing I have going for me is that I can openly admit that I am feeling this, because I don't know if 25 year old Becca would have been able to.
Emotions or feelings of uneasiness or anxiety are not a sign of weakness - just find a way to harness them and turn it into positive energy and motivation to kick ass at whatever you need to face. So, all you crazy kids out there, embrace whatever emotions you are having, conquer the fear, confront the anxiety and turn it into a power play.
So- I am going to ninja kick this job!
Back during the interview process, this was the first interview where NONE of the cookie cutter questions that college and our future-grooming tried to prepare us for were asked. The questions were all about my experience - a bit of a surprise for me. Before this, promotions were a natural progression and changing fields was a new experience where my skills was all I needed (and not necessarily subject matter knowledge). But, now, I am expected to know what the hell I am doing, and do it at a higher level. I have been in the Labor Relations field for 9 months, and during the interview I realized how much stuff I actually DID and that I actually (kinda) knew what I was doing.
It is invigorating and unnerving, scary and exhilarating. I know I can do the job, and I know I will be good at it because I like what I do, but this is the moment where adulthood actually slaps you in the face. No panic, but clear anxiety that will pass once I walk in there the first day. Charismatic, goofy, ridiculous Becca will arrive and knock their socks off. Maybe the best thing I have going for me is that I can openly admit that I am feeling this, because I don't know if 25 year old Becca would have been able to.
Emotions or feelings of uneasiness or anxiety are not a sign of weakness - just find a way to harness them and turn it into positive energy and motivation to kick ass at whatever you need to face. So, all you crazy kids out there, embrace whatever emotions you are having, conquer the fear, confront the anxiety and turn it into a power play.
So- I am going to ninja kick this job!
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Friday the 14th
Yes, Friday is February 14th... VALENTINE'S DAY! I call Singles Appreciation Day, because why not? Do I care about it? Personally not really, but VDay always means:
Marathon of Valentine/love/rom-com/dramas on every goddam channel. Do they bother me? Nah*. Annoying, yes. They are the same as any other themed marathon, and I'll be honest, the only marathons I truly embrace are TCM's 31 Days of Oscar and baseball related movies.
(*Caveat: there are certain things that bother me, of which I'll explain below.)
Then there's all the "buy her this...." commercials, from jewelry to teddy bears to chocolate to lingerie. A bit ridiculous that only the women should accept gifts or that men are the only ones that fret over VDay gifts. I'm a non romantic doof, I'd have no idea what to get. But, I put up with the commercials- it's a business, man, go make yo' money on a holiday.
But, the holiday always brings out some of the ridiculous, like articles or ads about "how to catch a guy" or "how to make him stick around" or "YOU NEED A MAN." Well, maybe not worded directly like that, but you get the point.
First, no one "needs" a partner; a partner is someone you find that completes you, and you shouldn't settle for anything less. If you want to find your mate via dating sites, etc. more power to ya, but if you are good just how you are, keep doing you.
Anything beyond "be yourself" shouldn't be on any list on how to snare/keep a mate. By pretending to be someone else or taming your personality can lead to a rude awakening when the real you comes out. I'm not talking about in a fight or whatever, I'm talking about everyday you. I was told to temper my baseball/football passion/knowledge when I first met a guy, but that's part of who I am. Why should I leave out such a big part of my personality? If you can't handle it, bro, I'm not a girl for you.
Then we get to the movies that are promoted where "finding a mate" is the end all, be all, and life isn't worth living or is incomplete without "love" and someone needs to be rescued or save the other. Not everyone needs to be rescued, or be the knight in shining armor; people don't necessarily need a partner to make life complete. Are facets of this real? Sure. Everyone wants a fairy tale- just make sure it's your own, and you are true to yourself. Give me movies like "The Muppets" or "Love Actually" or "Pride and Prejudice" that portray complicated people and relationships, and strong, but flawed, characters (both men and women). Show me people that find the perfect complement, regardless of their issues, without compromise because they realize they don't need a man (or woman).
So, in conclusion, Eliza Bennett 4 lyfe.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
I eat alone.
YES. I GO OUT TO DINNER ALONE.
Friday night I went out to dinner to celebrate my promotion. I had errands to run, and was craving some cinnamon butter and steak goodness, so I went to Texas Roadhouse. I get there and it is an hour+ wait. That's fine - I can wait, and will keep an eye out for open spots at the bar. I make my first loop - full. Wait about ten minutes and do another loop and see an empty seat on the far end of the bar. I walk over and there is a couple in front of me who are ordering drinks standing in front of the single chair. They get their drinks, and just stand there. I wait a minute or two to let them get their shit together, get situated, etc. and they don't move. Just stand there awkwardly. So I walk over to ask if they are sitting down - and I get a sigh and a roll of the eyes. Homeboy pulls the "well... uhhh" - lame. I tell them I just want to eat and I got the "oh, she's here alone, give her a stool to sit and have her dinner." Give me a break.
Obviously I order a drink ASAP and then I feel the stares from said couple. Really, people? You are there having awkward conversation drinking your white wine, and you are judging ME?! Throughout the night I have conversations with various people on social media or texts and one statement was: I wouldn't have the balls to do that.
Do what? Eat alone? Really? Sometimes solitude in a busy restaurant is just right. You can peoplewatch, drink whatever you want, not have to worry about any conversation or awkward silences. You can even make some new friends - I didn't Friday night because the dudes next to me were typical drunk Yankee fan douchers, so that was a no-go.
The thing is, why THE HELL is it such a big deal for someone to eat alone. More accurately, why is there a need for a feeling of pity when a female eats alone? While I was getting stares and sympathetic looks (as well as getting extra attention from the other 2 bartenders beyond the one who was my primary server), a dude came in and stood behind me to order a beer (I'm little, he wasn't in my space, I was next to the computer and the tap, so NBD), and the bartender knew him by name and what he drank. Apparently him being there alone was nothing new - so why was it so different for me?
Many people know that I spend weekend mornings (and afternoons and early evenings) watching Law & Order reruns on whatever of the four channels that are showing it now. Ever notice how Jack McCoy or Arthur Branch or Adam Schiff are interrupted at a meal - and they are often eating alone? Yes, they are all males in senior positions (whether it be Executive Assistant DA or the DA), but there is not a second thought or a comment about them eating alone, except for maybe the occasional comment after Jack was appointed to complete Branch's term as DA (but that seemed to be geared towards his rise in power). Isn't it ironic that I am out celebrating a promotion, and I am eating alone?
Then, on the same show, you don't see any of the female Assistant DAs eating alone; the females you see eating alone are the opposing attorneys or judges - and often they are labeled a certain way before that (whether it is conniving or bitchy or whatever). Why is that? Sure, most of the power roles are men (with the exception of Diane Wiest for a hot minute), so does that mean it's lonely at the top?
Is the correlation to power or to gender? Are we to expect that the more powerful or higher up a person is then the more acceptable it is for someone to eat alone? Or does it tie to powerful males - a man needs to be alone with his thoughts (and a drink and food) in order to process the powerful thing he did that day? Would it apply to females in power positions - would a woman who heads a company, or an office, go out and eat alone so a woman can be alone with her thoughts and decompress for a day? Damn straight she would. The question is, would that be acceptable? Would there still be awkward stares?
The thing is, going out to eat or doing anything alone is really not that big of a deal. Really. Going out alone shouldn't have to take "balls," it should just take someone wanting to enjoy a meal and being comfortable with yourself. Maybe that is where it equates to power positions - maybe those people who are in power (those DAs, those judges, those lawyers) are comfortable with themselves and what they do and can enjoy time alone. They can enjoy a meal, sitting at a bar or a booth or a table without company, because they are not really alone, they themselves are company. It shouldn't be an issue whether it is male or female - sometimes people just need to be alone with their thoughts and not give a shit if no one else wants to enjoy a steak with them.
Friday night I went out to dinner to celebrate my promotion. I had errands to run, and was craving some cinnamon butter and steak goodness, so I went to Texas Roadhouse. I get there and it is an hour+ wait. That's fine - I can wait, and will keep an eye out for open spots at the bar. I make my first loop - full. Wait about ten minutes and do another loop and see an empty seat on the far end of the bar. I walk over and there is a couple in front of me who are ordering drinks standing in front of the single chair. They get their drinks, and just stand there. I wait a minute or two to let them get their shit together, get situated, etc. and they don't move. Just stand there awkwardly. So I walk over to ask if they are sitting down - and I get a sigh and a roll of the eyes. Homeboy pulls the "well... uhhh" - lame. I tell them I just want to eat and I got the "oh, she's here alone, give her a stool to sit and have her dinner." Give me a break.
Obviously I order a drink ASAP and then I feel the stares from said couple. Really, people? You are there having awkward conversation drinking your white wine, and you are judging ME?! Throughout the night I have conversations with various people on social media or texts and one statement was: I wouldn't have the balls to do that.
Do what? Eat alone? Really? Sometimes solitude in a busy restaurant is just right. You can peoplewatch, drink whatever you want, not have to worry about any conversation or awkward silences. You can even make some new friends - I didn't Friday night because the dudes next to me were typical drunk Yankee fan douchers, so that was a no-go.
The thing is, why THE HELL is it such a big deal for someone to eat alone. More accurately, why is there a need for a feeling of pity when a female eats alone? While I was getting stares and sympathetic looks (as well as getting extra attention from the other 2 bartenders beyond the one who was my primary server), a dude came in and stood behind me to order a beer (I'm little, he wasn't in my space, I was next to the computer and the tap, so NBD), and the bartender knew him by name and what he drank. Apparently him being there alone was nothing new - so why was it so different for me?
Many people know that I spend weekend mornings (and afternoons and early evenings) watching Law & Order reruns on whatever of the four channels that are showing it now. Ever notice how Jack McCoy or Arthur Branch or Adam Schiff are interrupted at a meal - and they are often eating alone? Yes, they are all males in senior positions (whether it be Executive Assistant DA or the DA), but there is not a second thought or a comment about them eating alone, except for maybe the occasional comment after Jack was appointed to complete Branch's term as DA (but that seemed to be geared towards his rise in power). Isn't it ironic that I am out celebrating a promotion, and I am eating alone?
Then, on the same show, you don't see any of the female Assistant DAs eating alone; the females you see eating alone are the opposing attorneys or judges - and often they are labeled a certain way before that (whether it is conniving or bitchy or whatever). Why is that? Sure, most of the power roles are men (with the exception of Diane Wiest for a hot minute), so does that mean it's lonely at the top?
Is the correlation to power or to gender? Are we to expect that the more powerful or higher up a person is then the more acceptable it is for someone to eat alone? Or does it tie to powerful males - a man needs to be alone with his thoughts (and a drink and food) in order to process the powerful thing he did that day? Would it apply to females in power positions - would a woman who heads a company, or an office, go out and eat alone so a woman can be alone with her thoughts and decompress for a day? Damn straight she would. The question is, would that be acceptable? Would there still be awkward stares?
The thing is, going out to eat or doing anything alone is really not that big of a deal. Really. Going out alone shouldn't have to take "balls," it should just take someone wanting to enjoy a meal and being comfortable with yourself. Maybe that is where it equates to power positions - maybe those people who are in power (those DAs, those judges, those lawyers) are comfortable with themselves and what they do and can enjoy time alone. They can enjoy a meal, sitting at a bar or a booth or a table without company, because they are not really alone, they themselves are company. It shouldn't be an issue whether it is male or female - sometimes people just need to be alone with their thoughts and not give a shit if no one else wants to enjoy a steak with them.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Happy Anniversary, Roe v Wade
January 22nd marks the 40th anniversary of the Supreme Court decision on Roe v Wade, which essentially said that abortions cannot be banned/outlawed based on the right to privacy in the 14th Amendment. While being celebrated by women's rights advocates (among many other groups) it has been the bane of others' existence; this led to headed family gatherings and bitter arguments.
What I think is important to remember that being pro-choice doesn't mean "pro-talking-people-into-abortions." Pro-choice isn't always pro-abortion, but pro-give-women-something-to-choose-from. Those of us who believe in a woman's right to privacy and the right to choose do not seek to insert ourselves into these situations and talk women into abortions. No, we want women to look at every choice - adoption, keeping the child, or abortion. We do not seek to demonize women who are considering terminating a pregnancy (or those who already have), nor to paint them as martyrs or saints. We want women to make educated, personal decisions - and to have all the options open to them without the unwanted influence of the government, church groups or anyone else who believes they know what is better for a woman than she does.
Anti-choice advocates want to argue that Roe gave women the right to have multiple abortions (so they can slut themselves out, right?), or that most women who did have abortions ended up being depressed and regretful. Well, you know what - people do things that they regret later on in life everyday. Even decisions that were made after a long length of time, and at the time it seemed right, may end up being "not the best" in hind sight (switching jobs, buying a house, whatever). Point is, the fact that you MAY regret a decision, doesn't mean it should be outlawed. If that were the case, maybe we should outlaw DATING (because, really, we all have regrets about that), buying a house, switching jobs, or moving. Decisions must be made with all the facts and with due process (whatever that may be for her).
Women who terminate pregnancies are not "sluts" (poor decision makers may be appropriate at times). They are teenage girls who thought the boy "loved" them, or young women who just are not in a place to start a family, or a parent who knows that one more child will push it over the edge, or a woman who was raped at a party, or a female who is always very careful but one night the condom broke, or someone whose insurance refused to cover contraception and even after pulling out and using a condom it just happened. Or maybe someone who just got carried away one night and made a mistake. These are the face of evil or what is wrong with the world, apparently according to the anti-choicers. These women are human beings, just like you, who wish to make a decision related to THEIR body without YOU degrading them or YOU trying to make a decision that YOU have NOTHING to do with.
And, those that stand outside of clinics or hospitals where women have these procedures, you are scum. You are further degrading women and it is disgusting. You are no better and are generally hypocrites. The decision to terminate a pregnancy isn't something that you do on a whim. Unless you have been faced with the decision, you cannot speak to the agony that these women or couples go through in making this decision. To put these women or couples through further degradation beyond what they have already put themselves through is inhumane.
Another thing to remember is that Roe not only keeps abortion legal, it keeps it safe. I never lived in a time when a woman in this situation did not have a safe place to go should they be faced with this choice - although, they may have had to drive several counties over or across state lines for various issues. However, the history of how this women were medically treated is appalling - back alley (literally) procedures, unsanitary conditions, unlicensed "doctors," or being faced with a wire coat hanger in their bathroom. This left woman maimed, broken and sometimes sterile. Remember Penny in 'Dirty Dancing?' What would have happened to her if Dr. Housman wasn't there? I am not making light of it, but simply pointing out a very well known demonstration in pop culture.
I understand that people out there who are not supportive of the Roe decision do so for PERSONAL reasons... just like women who may be faced with this decision must make a PERSONAL decision for herself. Many women who are pro-choice who may be faced with this situation may determine that an abortion is NOT the best route - for her PERSONAL reasons, whether it be medical, religious or otherwise. But that is the whole point of all of this - it is a choice. And women should and must be able to have the ability to make a choice that is suitable for HER needs, for her own well being. It is not something that the general populace or the government or YOUR church should be a part of - this is a matter of privacy and personal decision.
And now, I hope that the Supreme Court continues to value to importance of the 14th (and 9th) amendment to ensure that we (all of us - men and women) are able to make determinations as it relates to our bodies for ourselves. You want to preach about liberty and freedom, well the Roe decision is primary example of such traits in this country. No one is forcing you do have an abortion, and therefore, just because YOU don't like it does not mean that it should be outlawed. That is true privacy and freedom.
What I think is important to remember that being pro-choice doesn't mean "pro-talking-people-into-abortions." Pro-choice isn't always pro-abortion, but pro-give-women-something-to-choose-from. Those of us who believe in a woman's right to privacy and the right to choose do not seek to insert ourselves into these situations and talk women into abortions. No, we want women to look at every choice - adoption, keeping the child, or abortion. We do not seek to demonize women who are considering terminating a pregnancy (or those who already have), nor to paint them as martyrs or saints. We want women to make educated, personal decisions - and to have all the options open to them without the unwanted influence of the government, church groups or anyone else who believes they know what is better for a woman than she does.
Anti-choice advocates want to argue that Roe gave women the right to have multiple abortions (so they can slut themselves out, right?), or that most women who did have abortions ended up being depressed and regretful. Well, you know what - people do things that they regret later on in life everyday. Even decisions that were made after a long length of time, and at the time it seemed right, may end up being "not the best" in hind sight (switching jobs, buying a house, whatever). Point is, the fact that you MAY regret a decision, doesn't mean it should be outlawed. If that were the case, maybe we should outlaw DATING (because, really, we all have regrets about that), buying a house, switching jobs, or moving. Decisions must be made with all the facts and with due process (whatever that may be for her).
Women who terminate pregnancies are not "sluts" (poor decision makers may be appropriate at times). They are teenage girls who thought the boy "loved" them, or young women who just are not in a place to start a family, or a parent who knows that one more child will push it over the edge, or a woman who was raped at a party, or a female who is always very careful but one night the condom broke, or someone whose insurance refused to cover contraception and even after pulling out and using a condom it just happened. Or maybe someone who just got carried away one night and made a mistake. These are the face of evil or what is wrong with the world, apparently according to the anti-choicers. These women are human beings, just like you, who wish to make a decision related to THEIR body without YOU degrading them or YOU trying to make a decision that YOU have NOTHING to do with.
And, those that stand outside of clinics or hospitals where women have these procedures, you are scum. You are further degrading women and it is disgusting. You are no better and are generally hypocrites. The decision to terminate a pregnancy isn't something that you do on a whim. Unless you have been faced with the decision, you cannot speak to the agony that these women or couples go through in making this decision. To put these women or couples through further degradation beyond what they have already put themselves through is inhumane.
Another thing to remember is that Roe not only keeps abortion legal, it keeps it safe. I never lived in a time when a woman in this situation did not have a safe place to go should they be faced with this choice - although, they may have had to drive several counties over or across state lines for various issues. However, the history of how this women were medically treated is appalling - back alley (literally) procedures, unsanitary conditions, unlicensed "doctors," or being faced with a wire coat hanger in their bathroom. This left woman maimed, broken and sometimes sterile. Remember Penny in 'Dirty Dancing?' What would have happened to her if Dr. Housman wasn't there? I am not making light of it, but simply pointing out a very well known demonstration in pop culture.
I understand that people out there who are not supportive of the Roe decision do so for PERSONAL reasons... just like women who may be faced with this decision must make a PERSONAL decision for herself. Many women who are pro-choice who may be faced with this situation may determine that an abortion is NOT the best route - for her PERSONAL reasons, whether it be medical, religious or otherwise. But that is the whole point of all of this - it is a choice. And women should and must be able to have the ability to make a choice that is suitable for HER needs, for her own well being. It is not something that the general populace or the government or YOUR church should be a part of - this is a matter of privacy and personal decision.
And now, I hope that the Supreme Court continues to value to importance of the 14th (and 9th) amendment to ensure that we (all of us - men and women) are able to make determinations as it relates to our bodies for ourselves. You want to preach about liberty and freedom, well the Roe decision is primary example of such traits in this country. No one is forcing you do have an abortion, and therefore, just because YOU don't like it does not mean that it should be outlawed. That is true privacy and freedom.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Living someone else's life or dying alone.
I am afraid of dying alone. And I don't mean I will have never gotten married or had kids or a dog or even at least a long term "partner". I mean where everyone has left me behind - or maybe I left them behind.
I do most things in my life alone - go to the movies, go away for weekends, check out baseball games, go shopping, go to concerts, etc - whereas most others have a plus one to do that with. I enjoy my independence - my rules are the only ones that need to be followed, on my time, in my way. I have always been independent, but I think maybe my extreme take on it lately is the combination of missing out on stuff when I first moved to Albany alone (and I wasn't as bold about doing e'erything on my own), realizing that I don't want the world to pass me by, or the fact that I was in a relationship where I felt handcuffed into believing it wasn't OK to do things alone (you were a couple, you did things as a couple) - especially after I moved in.
I am not second guessing my decision to just go and do it - regardless of whether I am alone or not. But, I am thinking about what that may lead to down the road. Can I ever coexist again? What about all of those people in my life (ahem, pretty much all of them) who have that attachment to people - spouses, kids, whatever - where does that leave me with them? The way I see it now, I'm on the outside, and it won't get any different in the future. That is something I have chosen to do.
I am not going to apologizing for living - after all, life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! Why should I starve myself because others are anorexic?
But, where are the others? It is like I am the only one out there - I am the last of the single girls. So, I will keep on living, and see where the road goes. But, I must recognize that the road I am taking may be alone. At least I lived, and shared it with those who wanted to take that adventure with me. But, I lived MY life - no one else's.
I do most things in my life alone - go to the movies, go away for weekends, check out baseball games, go shopping, go to concerts, etc - whereas most others have a plus one to do that with. I enjoy my independence - my rules are the only ones that need to be followed, on my time, in my way. I have always been independent, but I think maybe my extreme take on it lately is the combination of missing out on stuff when I first moved to Albany alone (and I wasn't as bold about doing e'erything on my own), realizing that I don't want the world to pass me by, or the fact that I was in a relationship where I felt handcuffed into believing it wasn't OK to do things alone (you were a couple, you did things as a couple) - especially after I moved in.
I am not second guessing my decision to just go and do it - regardless of whether I am alone or not. But, I am thinking about what that may lead to down the road. Can I ever coexist again? What about all of those people in my life (ahem, pretty much all of them) who have that attachment to people - spouses, kids, whatever - where does that leave me with them? The way I see it now, I'm on the outside, and it won't get any different in the future. That is something I have chosen to do.
I am not going to apologizing for living - after all, life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! Why should I starve myself because others are anorexic?
But, where are the others? It is like I am the only one out there - I am the last of the single girls. So, I will keep on living, and see where the road goes. But, I must recognize that the road I am taking may be alone. At least I lived, and shared it with those who wanted to take that adventure with me. But, I lived MY life - no one else's.
Is there really an ideal guy for me? Only if he wears a uniform.
While at the Nats game last weekend with some of the college posse, and following several beers, the question was raised about what is my "ideal guy?" (Really, the question was, "if we were husband hunting, what type of guy would you look for?") I had no idea how to answer that. Then I thought about my past, who I was happiest with and what others have said about me - I need someone in uniform. Whether it is a member of the military or an athlete, those type of people make me happy (I was once happiest with someone who was both at one point). And I am not saying the mission of athletes is anywhere near what our military does, but merely on the surface, there are similarities.
My girlfriend's response was: "You're the type of person who is OK letting the dude have the spotlight, I'm not." I disagree - I think I am the type of person that is the accompanying spotlight... I can magnify the spotlight... be the burnt orange to their chicago maroon. I love being the center of attention (generally), but I also enjoy being able to get someone I love into the spotlight, or to make their lives better. I would love being that woman they come home to, who has kept their lives together, worked her tail off, and kept on trucking while they were out doing their jobs. And, I don't think it has much to do with the spotlight, but more of a mentality. Athletes and military men are similar - must abide by a schedule, a physical fitness requirement, dedication to the mission/winning, and personal and team responsibility in their work. I am by no means a perfect physical specimen and I love my junk food, but I think my personality accompanies these type of requirements - I love to work out, I can't sit still, and I love cheering for my boys (whether they be my sports boys or our soldiers). I can't deal with someone plopping on the couch (high or otherwise), unless it was to watch their work (ergo, sitting and watching games). I can be someone's personal cheerleader, and still be strong and independent (and be me).
Maybe it is the Annie Savoy in me.
So, Justin Turner, Ike Davis, DW... gimme a call.
My girlfriend's response was: "You're the type of person who is OK letting the dude have the spotlight, I'm not." I disagree - I think I am the type of person that is the accompanying spotlight... I can magnify the spotlight... be the burnt orange to their chicago maroon. I love being the center of attention (generally), but I also enjoy being able to get someone I love into the spotlight, or to make their lives better. I would love being that woman they come home to, who has kept their lives together, worked her tail off, and kept on trucking while they were out doing their jobs. And, I don't think it has much to do with the spotlight, but more of a mentality. Athletes and military men are similar - must abide by a schedule, a physical fitness requirement, dedication to the mission/winning, and personal and team responsibility in their work. I am by no means a perfect physical specimen and I love my junk food, but I think my personality accompanies these type of requirements - I love to work out, I can't sit still, and I love cheering for my boys (whether they be my sports boys or our soldiers). I can't deal with someone plopping on the couch (high or otherwise), unless it was to watch their work (ergo, sitting and watching games). I can be someone's personal cheerleader, and still be strong and independent (and be me).
Maybe it is the Annie Savoy in me.
So, Justin Turner, Ike Davis, DW... gimme a call.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
When you come to a fork in the road - take it.
As I wrapped up my trip to VA, I realized that I am on a much different track than other people in my life. At first I thought many of those around these parts were living in the past - surrounding themselves with people from high school, and having lives revolve around their kids. They just didn't seem like they were moving forward, but staying stagnant. Then, I realized - I am more the one living in the past. I am still living the single life even as I push 30. I don't have a boyfriend, nor do I want one. I don't have kids, and I sure as hell don't want them now. I still rent and do many things on my own - because I can.
I took a fork in the road and I took it. I could have decided that I wanted to stay for that him, get married and pop out babies (because I knew he wouldn't leave with me). I could have pushed to fix that relationship in grad school, but I thought it would slow me (and him) down (and we were dysfunctional, but that's another story). I could have given in alot more to that certain kid in order to make it easier for him, but then that just wouldn't be me. So now he has a gf that feels "respected and loved" - I can either say "you're welcome" or realize that maybe her definition of respect and love are very different from mine. And if that's the case, I feel sorry for her.
That was the fork I took - I demand the world in return for my life plan to change. Until you can offer me that, I am not going to budge. Those people that took the other fork appeared to have gotten their "world" or at least followed their game plan. They dreamed of a husband and kids when they were growing up, I dreamed of a being a powerful career woman changing the world and livin' it up. Forever. The only reason I would think about getting married would be the awesome party I wanted to throw; the only kids I thought that may live with me would be the kids who came to visit me for the summer. I guess that's the road I am on for now. Well, probably forever.
Just because people's idea of the 'world' or their acceptance of the 'world' they were faced with is different than mine, doesn't mean they are going in circles or idling, they just took a different fork.
I took mine.
I took a fork in the road and I took it. I could have decided that I wanted to stay for that him, get married and pop out babies (because I knew he wouldn't leave with me). I could have pushed to fix that relationship in grad school, but I thought it would slow me (and him) down (and we were dysfunctional, but that's another story). I could have given in alot more to that certain kid in order to make it easier for him, but then that just wouldn't be me. So now he has a gf that feels "respected and loved" - I can either say "you're welcome" or realize that maybe her definition of respect and love are very different from mine. And if that's the case, I feel sorry for her.
That was the fork I took - I demand the world in return for my life plan to change. Until you can offer me that, I am not going to budge. Those people that took the other fork appeared to have gotten their "world" or at least followed their game plan. They dreamed of a husband and kids when they were growing up, I dreamed of a being a powerful career woman changing the world and livin' it up. Forever. The only reason I would think about getting married would be the awesome party I wanted to throw; the only kids I thought that may live with me would be the kids who came to visit me for the summer. I guess that's the road I am on for now. Well, probably forever.
Just because people's idea of the 'world' or their acceptance of the 'world' they were faced with is different than mine, doesn't mean they are going in circles or idling, they just took a different fork.
I took mine.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Common Courtesy - Beach, Ballpark, and Bums
I mean, seriously, what the hell happened to it? Common courtesy comes in different forms - from strangers, to colleagues, to (former) loved ones.
If you walk into someone accidentally on the street, say "sorry" - or at least offer an "oops, my bad." I went to three Mets games this weekend - and it was awesome. Of course there is going to be bumping, and walking into people, and cutting in front of people - these things happen because of the layout, the number of people (kids and adults alike), excitement, etc. All it takes to resolve that is an "excuse me." Sometimes, even a smile and a nod would suffice - some sort of action saying, "hey, I wasn't trying to be douche-y, and we are all trying to make our way to our seats or the bathroom or the hot dog stand." And all is well again in the world of common decency. Most ballpark goers share this sentiment, and do their best to avoid unnecessary walking/bumping errors. And, it was my observation the people clad in Yankees garb had the biggest sense of entitlement to walk everywhichdirection without acknowledging their fellow baseball lovers (even though those dopes probably weren't baseball lovers anyway).
Then, there are the beachgoers. Really, most of these people have no sense of common courtesy, and have no idea of personal space and impact on other beachgoers. Yes, there is sand everywhere; and yes, the wind blows; and yes, when you walk sand gets kicked up. But, you have to teach your kids to at least ATTEMPT to go around my blanket... and, you know, sometimes the kids aren't even the worst. God forbid you have to walk in front of someone and forego holding hands with your manpiece for the .5 seconds it takes to go around someone's blanket - OR THE PERSON. Some clown pretty much kicked sand directly on me as I was sitting in my chair. Yes, I am a clutz and I walk in random angles (they are still technically straight lines), but at least I make an effort to avoid disrupting other people's spaces. And sometimes I do accidentally kick sand on someone's blanket, but I turn around, acknowledge my oops, and carry on with my day. If they want to stay mad, fine, that's their beef, but I at least acknowledge my fumble.
You are teaching kids it is OK to be inconsiderate of other people's space and are giving them a heightened sense of entitlement - yea, that's a winning lesson for life.
Speaking of fumbles, there were many beachgoers tossing around balls and frisbees - and I was on the dividing line of one end. A ball or two bopped my way (from 2 different groups) - they ran over, apologized, made a joke about their lack of athleticism and then attempted to make an adjustment in their throwing angle/power/whatever. That's all we ask - an attempt and being considerate of your fellow folks trying to enjoy the sunshine as much as you.
If you shared your life with someone at some point (especially a recent "some point"), and an event occurs (where that person would be impacted by it in some way - emotionally, physically, morally) - whether it be tragic or otherwise - it is common decency to call (or text or email) that person to let them know what happened. Regardless of the state of your relationship, the phone should have been picked up - some effort should have been made to contact that person directly. Finding out second or third hand (or reading it online) is just inappropriate and inexcusable. Maybe it all goes back to the cowardice thing.
We are all sharing this trip around the sun - so why not be a bit more courteous to make the ride more fun?
If you walk into someone accidentally on the street, say "sorry" - or at least offer an "oops, my bad." I went to three Mets games this weekend - and it was awesome. Of course there is going to be bumping, and walking into people, and cutting in front of people - these things happen because of the layout, the number of people (kids and adults alike), excitement, etc. All it takes to resolve that is an "excuse me." Sometimes, even a smile and a nod would suffice - some sort of action saying, "hey, I wasn't trying to be douche-y, and we are all trying to make our way to our seats or the bathroom or the hot dog stand." And all is well again in the world of common decency. Most ballpark goers share this sentiment, and do their best to avoid unnecessary walking/bumping errors. And, it was my observation the people clad in Yankees garb had the biggest sense of entitlement to walk everywhichdirection without acknowledging their fellow baseball lovers (even though those dopes probably weren't baseball lovers anyway).
Then, there are the beachgoers. Really, most of these people have no sense of common courtesy, and have no idea of personal space and impact on other beachgoers. Yes, there is sand everywhere; and yes, the wind blows; and yes, when you walk sand gets kicked up. But, you have to teach your kids to at least ATTEMPT to go around my blanket... and, you know, sometimes the kids aren't even the worst. God forbid you have to walk in front of someone and forego holding hands with your manpiece for the .5 seconds it takes to go around someone's blanket - OR THE PERSON. Some clown pretty much kicked sand directly on me as I was sitting in my chair. Yes, I am a clutz and I walk in random angles (they are still technically straight lines), but at least I make an effort to avoid disrupting other people's spaces. And sometimes I do accidentally kick sand on someone's blanket, but I turn around, acknowledge my oops, and carry on with my day. If they want to stay mad, fine, that's their beef, but I at least acknowledge my fumble.
You are teaching kids it is OK to be inconsiderate of other people's space and are giving them a heightened sense of entitlement - yea, that's a winning lesson for life.
Speaking of fumbles, there were many beachgoers tossing around balls and frisbees - and I was on the dividing line of one end. A ball or two bopped my way (from 2 different groups) - they ran over, apologized, made a joke about their lack of athleticism and then attempted to make an adjustment in their throwing angle/power/whatever. That's all we ask - an attempt and being considerate of your fellow folks trying to enjoy the sunshine as much as you.
If you shared your life with someone at some point (especially a recent "some point"), and an event occurs (where that person would be impacted by it in some way - emotionally, physically, morally) - whether it be tragic or otherwise - it is common decency to call (or text or email) that person to let them know what happened. Regardless of the state of your relationship, the phone should have been picked up - some effort should have been made to contact that person directly. Finding out second or third hand (or reading it online) is just inappropriate and inexcusable. Maybe it all goes back to the cowardice thing.
We are all sharing this trip around the sun - so why not be a bit more courteous to make the ride more fun?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Awesomeness Begats More Awesomeness
In about 5 months, I will turn 30; to celebrate I am having a countdown to 30 of bad ass adventures. I'm doing things that I haven't done before and crossing them off the bucket list - skydiving, Vegas, paramotoring, seeing Madonna in concert, seeing BRRUUUUUUCE (did that in April), ziplining down a mountain, Ireland, etc.
And, as I ponder what is to come, I think about all the things I have done that many don't get the chance to:
And, as I ponder what is to come, I think about all the things I have done that many don't get the chance to:
- I have lived in many different places: Long Island, rural upstate NY, Chesterfield, Blacksburg, Newark, and Albany. All very different - all are me in their own way. All have shaped me.
- I have up and moved on my own for myself - twice. First to Newark for grad school, then up to Albany for work. I recommend everyone have this type of experience at least once. You learn who you are, how to survive alone, and you find out who you really are.
- I have been apart of JROTC, ROTC, VTCC - all of which have allowed me to meet amazing people and do awesome things. One thing JROTC specifically did for me was give me my voice - it showed me something I was good at and brought me out of my shell. I was quiet and fairly introverted until 9th grade. I gained confidence and a platform - thus opening the door to who I could be.
- I rappelled off 30, 40 and 60 foot walls; I jumped off a helicopter skid. I shot an M-16 on semi-automatic. I got to wake kids up at 5am with Enter Sandman or Welcome to the Jungle reverberating through Old Rasche. And I did this with some amazing people - my fellow Hokies, my buds, my fellow Hotel and Foxtrot members. Nothing will replace them or those experiences we had together.
- Speaking of Enter Sandman, do you get the urge to start jumping when you hear it? I do - thanks to Lane Stadium and my Hokies. I've hit the Hokie stone in the tunnel, rushed the field, seen my Hokies win the ACC in its first year of membership (in Miami), and taken over Miami and Jacksonville with thousands of fellow Hokies.
- I walked down the side of an 18-story building to raise dough for the Special Olympics.
- I've had the best boyfriend - New York. Even with my absence when I moved south, he was always loyal. I've seen Conan's and Jimmy Fallon's shows, been on the Today Show (after discussing leather pants with Kenny Chesney's guitar player), ridden the Central Park carousel, walked across the Brooklyn Bridge... I could go on.
- I remember the World Trade Center before 2001, and even before 1993. I saw the Towers from all angles - from Jersey and Staten Island, from uptown and Battery Park.
- I experienced great sporting events - I was at the last day of Shea, saw John Maine take a no no to the 8th, taken people to their first professional baseball and football games, met Darryl Strawberry, bonded with Mr. Met, braved ice to see the Jets the day after Christmas on MNF.
- I marched on the field for the halftime performance of the Peach Bowl in Atlanta.
- I have seen amazing concerts - I've hopped fences to meet Dierks Bentley, jumped on stage to say hi to the Murphys, gotten setlists from various shows, roadtripped to Bristol, DC, Philly, NC, etc with amazing people to catch shows.
- I've had the joy of being Aunt Becca to amazing kiddos - and we've only just begun.
- I've been to a strip club in West Virginia; this wouldn't be at the top of the "awesomeness" pile, but I can say that I did it, and a lot of people probably haven't.
- I have ridden on the back of a Harley. I am not going to say how I ended up on the back of said Harley with this certain individual, but it was pretty sweet.
- I have loved and been loved completely; it may not have lasted, and it was only for a short while a long time ago, but it happened. Make sure you find that kind of love - don't settle. And I haven't.
Monday, May 14, 2012
The Way We Were
Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.
I don't get it.
And you never will.
I posted that on FB recently, and was asked why so many women identify with this movie (SN: this set of lines is from "Sex and the City's" reference to the film). I gave a brief summation to that initial question, and it got me thinking about all the ins and outs of my answers - so I figured expanding my response may clear things up. I will put a caveat in there - find a summary of the flick (IMDB has a pretty good one) so you can understand what the heck I am talking about. Also, I am not "men bashing" here - I am using he vs. she as it relates to characters in the movie. I identify more with the she - but there are just as many men who may fall into this category.
Many of us see ourselves in Katie: uncompromising, strong-willed, independent, pushy (in the "get off your ass" or "you aren't living up to your potential" kind of way), and outspoken. But, we are also giving and loving; we yearn for what "could be" or "should be" with a little elbow grease. We can be vulnerable and lonely, because we sometimes alienate ourselves or can be too intense for people around us (or for our own good). We people on pedestals or view someone in their "ideal" state (or basically, the way they should be when they actually live up to their potential or allow themselves to be good people).
Often, people (men) can't handle this type of personality; I think it is that they just don't want to deal with it - it is too hard for them. They can't handle challenges - whether it is in a relationship or life. It is work (Easy? Maybe easier than the Hundred Years War!) to them, but in reality all it takes is a little effort. There is an expectation that things should fall in their favor, in whatever manner they feel it should go. The amount of effort each puts into life is similar to the effort they are willing to put into a relationship before it meets that awful threshold of becoming "work." Those who put minimal effort into their every day life or have that sense of expectations, will put in minimal efforts toward working on a relationship before they squirm their way out of it because it is "too much work." She puts effort into her life every day - changing the world, educating society, changing herself, wanting more out of life and going for it - and she expects that her relationships would be no different. She also expects the other person in a relationship (friends, lovers, family) to put in that same kind of effort, and when they don't it just boggles her (and she often lets them know it).
Some will take the easy way - Hubbell stuck with writing screenplays rather than writing that glorious novel that Katie wanted him to do, and she knew he could do. When things get too much or too sour, they find ways to go "the easy way out" - whether it is sleeping with an ex-girlfriend as Hubbell did (while Katie was pregnant), or maybe just continually driving her away, or just not even attempting to be human to someone. But, they will never pull the trigger and just end it - because they are afraid? Because they know they were wrong? Because they are too selfish? Because they know what they are losing or have already lost? So, they allow the strong pushy one to take the reins, as usual, and end it. They drive her away until she does it, because they know she will. They quit because it is too much work to fix it or end it themselves.
And, she knows that it probably wouldn't have worked - but she won't know for sure because there was no effort, no confirmation that they both fought the good fight to the bitter end. She feels she gave everything she had, and Hubbell just shacked up with someone new because it simply wouldn't work. Katie moved on, got married to a man who was a great dad to Rachel; Hubbell still wrote screenplays and had a new lady-friend on his arm. "Your girl is lovely, Hubbell." Katie offers to meet for drinks, but he can't do it. There's that moment....
In the end we yearn for the consolation prize of knowing that he has realized that she is the best thing that has ever happened to him - and she is probably the only one who could or would ever love him fully... not necessarily for what he is, but for what he really truly could be. No one else would challenge him like she did, or attempt to make him a better person like she would. But, he also knew she wouldn't stick around unless he made changes, or penance, or became a the person he should become. He probably wanted to. He just couldn't get out of his own way - or get off his ass.
I don't get it.
And you never will.
I posted that on FB recently, and was asked why so many women identify with this movie (SN: this set of lines is from "Sex and the City's" reference to the film). I gave a brief summation to that initial question, and it got me thinking about all the ins and outs of my answers - so I figured expanding my response may clear things up. I will put a caveat in there - find a summary of the flick (IMDB has a pretty good one) so you can understand what the heck I am talking about. Also, I am not "men bashing" here - I am using he vs. she as it relates to characters in the movie. I identify more with the she - but there are just as many men who may fall into this category.
Many of us see ourselves in Katie: uncompromising, strong-willed, independent, pushy (in the "get off your ass" or "you aren't living up to your potential" kind of way), and outspoken. But, we are also giving and loving; we yearn for what "could be" or "should be" with a little elbow grease. We can be vulnerable and lonely, because we sometimes alienate ourselves or can be too intense for people around us (or for our own good). We people on pedestals or view someone in their "ideal" state (or basically, the way they should be when they actually live up to their potential or allow themselves to be good people).
Often, people (men) can't handle this type of personality; I think it is that they just don't want to deal with it - it is too hard for them. They can't handle challenges - whether it is in a relationship or life. It is work (Easy? Maybe easier than the Hundred Years War!) to them, but in reality all it takes is a little effort. There is an expectation that things should fall in their favor, in whatever manner they feel it should go. The amount of effort each puts into life is similar to the effort they are willing to put into a relationship before it meets that awful threshold of becoming "work." Those who put minimal effort into their every day life or have that sense of expectations, will put in minimal efforts toward working on a relationship before they squirm their way out of it because it is "too much work." She puts effort into her life every day - changing the world, educating society, changing herself, wanting more out of life and going for it - and she expects that her relationships would be no different. She also expects the other person in a relationship (friends, lovers, family) to put in that same kind of effort, and when they don't it just boggles her (and she often lets them know it).
Some will take the easy way - Hubbell stuck with writing screenplays rather than writing that glorious novel that Katie wanted him to do, and she knew he could do. When things get too much or too sour, they find ways to go "the easy way out" - whether it is sleeping with an ex-girlfriend as Hubbell did (while Katie was pregnant), or maybe just continually driving her away, or just not even attempting to be human to someone. But, they will never pull the trigger and just end it - because they are afraid? Because they know they were wrong? Because they are too selfish? Because they know what they are losing or have already lost? So, they allow the strong pushy one to take the reins, as usual, and end it. They drive her away until she does it, because they know she will. They quit because it is too much work to fix it or end it themselves.
And, she knows that it probably wouldn't have worked - but she won't know for sure because there was no effort, no confirmation that they both fought the good fight to the bitter end. She feels she gave everything she had, and Hubbell just shacked up with someone new because it simply wouldn't work. Katie moved on, got married to a man who was a great dad to Rachel; Hubbell still wrote screenplays and had a new lady-friend on his arm. "Your girl is lovely, Hubbell." Katie offers to meet for drinks, but he can't do it. There's that moment....
In the end we yearn for the consolation prize of knowing that he has realized that she is the best thing that has ever happened to him - and she is probably the only one who could or would ever love him fully... not necessarily for what he is, but for what he really truly could be. No one else would challenge him like she did, or attempt to make him a better person like she would. But, he also knew she wouldn't stick around unless he made changes, or penance, or became a the person he should become. He probably wanted to. He just couldn't get out of his own way - or get off his ass.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Reflections on 1-29: Thoughts on life to a younger me (or anyone else younger than me)
- Finishing school and getting a "real" job doesn't mean you have to "be a grown up" or grow up. Just become more responsible and mature.
- Be conscious of your body, but don't be self-conscious.
- It is OK to cry and be sad, or angry or depressed - but you must acknowledge and identify it before you can move past it.
- HIDE YOUR DEBIT CARD WHEN YOU ARE DRINKING. Put some cash in pocket and limit how much dough you spend.
- Find the laughter in everything (including yourself). Even a bad day, a bad haircut, or a bad boyfriend (the laughter usually comes after the break up, but it will happen).
- Life is gonna suck once in a while. OK, more than once in a while. But, you do your best to fix it, acknowledge what happened, accept it, learn from it - and come out stronger and smiling (or in my case, giggling). You may be battered and bruised, but you can make it all better with a smile. Keep calm and carry on.
- You are not going to look like those models in YM, Seventeen, whatever. Accept the genes you are dealt, work to stay healthy, and own your body.
- Don't ever be ashamed of having a vulnerable moment - we are allowed one or two. Don't overcompensate for it. Allow yourself to be the damsel in distress once in a while. Trying to be too strong can make you weaker.
- Some days it's a bitch, it's a bummer - you need a rock'n'roll show in the summer. Escape reality, even for a hot minute.
- Life usually won't live up to your daydreams - and that's OK. We all want and deserve the fairy tale (or the rom com). Even though it may not go as planned, you may still get that fairy tale happy ending. And if you don't, make your own.
- A song can be your best friend, your worst enemy or the key to a memory. Or eventually it will be all 3. Cherish each one.
- Your body is your own. Don't sleep with that dude/chick just because you want to keep him around/please him/whatever... but, if you have the desire to shack up with him/her with no strings attached, then be safe, and do your thing. Don't let your ownership (and safe use) of your sexuality label you a "slut" or "floozy" or whatever else they will call out. It is your body, your choice - take care of it. Don't be ashamed. I am in no way promoting promiscuity or unsafe recreation, but I am promoting personal decisions, and these situations should be no different - as long as you take the appropriate precautions.
- Don't be afraid to let your whole heart go. No matter the pain you may have felt before, nothing hurts more than losing someone because you were afraid to go all in, or because you were afraid they would hurt you too. After vetting, let them in.
- Wear sunscreen. Seriously. Sun poisoning sucks.
- Go do things by yourself - it is perfectly OK to see a concert, catch a flick, see a ballgame alone. The only person you have to decide with is yourself; you can get there when you please; you don't have to worry about sharing popcorn or soda; you can sneak into different seats; you aren't pressured to leave early/get there late. Whatever. And, you can make friends.
- If someone burns you, it is ok to forgive and give them one more chance (if they are deemed worthy). They do it again, that means it was more than a lapse in judgement or a mistake, and they are not worth the time.
- You may feel the stab of jealousy once in a while. And that is OK, but don't let it consume you. Suck it up and realize that you are better than they are.
- Stay true and loyal to those who share those views, and are true and loyal to you. The definition of loyalty may seem muddled at times, but you will know. If people don't have your back, they are not worth your time - no matter how "cool" or "hot" or "popular" they may be. They won't be there in the end.
- It is OK to be a "nerd" about whatever you geek out about - baseball, comics, movies, music. Embrace it, own it, be it.
- Seek and ye shall find.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
My Mix Tape
I love mix tapes (or, now, playlists). They capture specific emotions or moments. Perfect football tailgating tunes. Concert prep tunes. Breakup tunes. Memories of clubbin' in college tunes (aka Kicks Remix). Windows down, sunshine tunes. Whatever.
I used to make mix tapes for people, especially in college (they made great gifts). I made them for select special boys in my life. They don't have to be 'new' songs, just songs for a moment or memory in that time. I like to think of John Cusack (the AMAZING John Cusack) in "High Fidelity" when I work up my mix tapes.
The last year has been a rollercoaster. Lots of great times, some sadness. And, just like every other time in my life, there was a soundtrack. So, my 2011-2012 Becca Mix Tape:
'Love Done Gone' by Billy Currington - how I felt early last summer, before it all settled in.
'Springsteen' by Eric Church - after seeing a certain Jersey boy recently, and talking about that Jeep... a melody feels like a memory. A timely tune.
'Colors' by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals - her soulful, pure voice brings color to my world.
'Seventy Times Seven' by Brand New - the pain of realizing that someone is a coward and a quitter, and the pain you want to inflict so they hurt like you did.
'Hell On Heels' by Pistol Annies - because he made me pretty, he made me smart, and I'm gonna break me a million hearts.
'Into the Mystic' by Van Morrison as covered by ZBB - it fills me with hope for whatever reason. Maybe that there is someone to rock my gypsy soul.
'Please Come To Boston' generally, Kenny Chesney's version - because there ain't no gold and there ain't nobody like me. And I'm a ramblin' girl who won't settle down.
'I Would Do Anything For You' by Foster the People - a great, fun, non-sappy-sounding love song by a great band. Who needs a significant other to share it with? It puts a smile on my face. I had to pick one song from this album, so I went with this one. And I like to air keyboard.
'Homeboy' by Eric Church - yup, he reappears, especially since this tune hits a soft spot. I generally don't think 2 songs from the same artist (and same album) should appear on the same mix tape, but this is a special exception.
'One and Only' by Adele - 21 was an album about a 'rubbish relationship' as she tells it. Every song on this album is powerful and amazing - I could include every one on this mix tape. But, this song for me is a song of redemption. I hope someone will dare me to give my heart up, and I could do it. I think the song also captures the range of power and desire of her voice.
I used to make mix tapes for people, especially in college (they made great gifts). I made them for select special boys in my life. They don't have to be 'new' songs, just songs for a moment or memory in that time. I like to think of John Cusack (the AMAZING John Cusack) in "High Fidelity" when I work up my mix tapes.
The last year has been a rollercoaster. Lots of great times, some sadness. And, just like every other time in my life, there was a soundtrack. So, my 2011-2012 Becca Mix Tape:
'Love Done Gone' by Billy Currington - how I felt early last summer, before it all settled in.
'Springsteen' by Eric Church - after seeing a certain Jersey boy recently, and talking about that Jeep... a melody feels like a memory. A timely tune.
'Colors' by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals - her soulful, pure voice brings color to my world.
'Seventy Times Seven' by Brand New - the pain of realizing that someone is a coward and a quitter, and the pain you want to inflict so they hurt like you did.
'Hell On Heels' by Pistol Annies - because he made me pretty, he made me smart, and I'm gonna break me a million hearts.
'Into the Mystic' by Van Morrison as covered by ZBB - it fills me with hope for whatever reason. Maybe that there is someone to rock my gypsy soul.
'Please Come To Boston' generally, Kenny Chesney's version - because there ain't no gold and there ain't nobody like me. And I'm a ramblin' girl who won't settle down.
'I Would Do Anything For You' by Foster the People - a great, fun, non-sappy-sounding love song by a great band. Who needs a significant other to share it with? It puts a smile on my face. I had to pick one song from this album, so I went with this one. And I like to air keyboard.
'Homeboy' by Eric Church - yup, he reappears, especially since this tune hits a soft spot. I generally don't think 2 songs from the same artist (and same album) should appear on the same mix tape, but this is a special exception.
'One and Only' by Adele - 21 was an album about a 'rubbish relationship' as she tells it. Every song on this album is powerful and amazing - I could include every one on this mix tape. But, this song for me is a song of redemption. I hope someone will dare me to give my heart up, and I could do it. I think the song also captures the range of power and desire of her voice.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Nana +5
I was planning on doing this last month on the anniversary of her death, but I think it is more appropriate now since my family is planning our annual trek to the cemetery and celebration this coming weekend.
That Friday morning in 2007 when my mother called to tell me that Nana had passed - the morning before our family was going to trek to Atlantic City to say our goodbyes - was a beautiful day in Newark, and I was getting ready to head out the door to work, preparing for the celebration to be had with her the next day (along with the tearful goodbyes), but that didn't happen. I like to think that she decided to pass before we all got there to either a) save us the sadness; or b) have one last chuckle to herself before going out. I like to think it was a combination of both. I skipped work and just crawled into bed; I thought about all the amazing memories I had with her and Boppy.
And, as I thought about then, and even more so now, I realize that we were all robbed of so many years of great memories because of her disease. Yes, she was there, but her witty (or wise ass) comments, guidance, and laughter were slower and fewer between because she couldn't physically say the it. And while her facial expression always said it, we rarely heard "Oh honey" in that very maternal, very loving, voice that only she had. Then it became more of a heartache to see her like that - I didn't want to remember her like that. I think that is why I didn't go see her solo as much as I should have - I was selfish, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I needed support from others - support that she usually gave me. So, I would wait for the rest of the family, and go with them. I have a picture of all my aunts and uncles, with Nana and Boppy, the last time we were all there the summer before she died, sitting on my bookshelf. My living room wall is also adorned with pictures of Nana and I sitting at the table of 117 doing inventory - both with our giant adding machines and papers; walking along the boardwalk with my Kid Sister in my stroller; me and Jimmy out front of Lucy with her; walking home one Easter Sunday down Center Ave. in my mini-pea coat and saddle shoes.
One of the greatest things I learned from her is to have empathy for other people. Not sympathy - where you "feel sorry" for them - but being able to put yourself in their shoes and "feel their pain." That is true key to compassion and love. The other is to make decisions for you (not your husband, parents, or whomever - for you) and to back them up with logic, feelings, and truth; to stick by your guns and fight the good fight for something (or someone) you believe in; to evolve. Well, OK, there's a lot of things I learned from her. If only we had her to impart these things on other people; somehow I don't think we are as effective. I will say that I am very lucky to have a wonderful aunt fill in for her in times of crisis, and the last few years have certainly brought up times of crisis; I just hope I can have that impact on someone, or at least an opportunity to impart that knowledge on someone in the future, and they actually heed it.
I would have loved to have her been able to dance at Erik and Jimmy's weddings (and whatever other ones may be coming up); give a stern talking to to Keith; tell my brothers to GO READ A BOOK because they are bored; meet Little Dude; see Melissa and I finish graduate school; dance around the kitchen to Lady Gaga or Kenny Chesney or Taylor Swift or Katy Perry or anything post-TLC's "Waterfalls;" to argue politics with her some more (I am sure she is rolling over in her grave over my bleeding-heart liberal stances; but I think she would be proud of me for making logical, articulate arguments and standing up for what I believe in). I would have loved to have been able to crawl up next to her for a hug last spring and summer when my heart was breaking for so many months as I fought to make things work. Just have her hug me, then give me some inspirational kick in the ass to keep calm and carry on. Or hear her words of strength and wisdom after that dreadful April 16th, just a few weeks after we lost her.
But, we don't have that luxury. We do have the memories she gave us, and rely on her strength even though she isn't here. So, even now, 5 years later, I sometimes still feel lost without her. We must find strength in our memories of her, pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and carry on; we reach out to others; we fight for what we believe in - we fight the good fight. And, by doing that, we keep her memory alive. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
That Friday morning in 2007 when my mother called to tell me that Nana had passed - the morning before our family was going to trek to Atlantic City to say our goodbyes - was a beautiful day in Newark, and I was getting ready to head out the door to work, preparing for the celebration to be had with her the next day (along with the tearful goodbyes), but that didn't happen. I like to think that she decided to pass before we all got there to either a) save us the sadness; or b) have one last chuckle to herself before going out. I like to think it was a combination of both. I skipped work and just crawled into bed; I thought about all the amazing memories I had with her and Boppy.
And, as I thought about then, and even more so now, I realize that we were all robbed of so many years of great memories because of her disease. Yes, she was there, but her witty (or wise ass) comments, guidance, and laughter were slower and fewer between because she couldn't physically say the it. And while her facial expression always said it, we rarely heard "Oh honey" in that very maternal, very loving, voice that only she had. Then it became more of a heartache to see her like that - I didn't want to remember her like that. I think that is why I didn't go see her solo as much as I should have - I was selfish, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I needed support from others - support that she usually gave me. So, I would wait for the rest of the family, and go with them. I have a picture of all my aunts and uncles, with Nana and Boppy, the last time we were all there the summer before she died, sitting on my bookshelf. My living room wall is also adorned with pictures of Nana and I sitting at the table of 117 doing inventory - both with our giant adding machines and papers; walking along the boardwalk with my Kid Sister in my stroller; me and Jimmy out front of Lucy with her; walking home one Easter Sunday down Center Ave. in my mini-pea coat and saddle shoes.
One of the greatest things I learned from her is to have empathy for other people. Not sympathy - where you "feel sorry" for them - but being able to put yourself in their shoes and "feel their pain." That is true key to compassion and love. The other is to make decisions for you (not your husband, parents, or whomever - for you) and to back them up with logic, feelings, and truth; to stick by your guns and fight the good fight for something (or someone) you believe in; to evolve. Well, OK, there's a lot of things I learned from her. If only we had her to impart these things on other people; somehow I don't think we are as effective. I will say that I am very lucky to have a wonderful aunt fill in for her in times of crisis, and the last few years have certainly brought up times of crisis; I just hope I can have that impact on someone, or at least an opportunity to impart that knowledge on someone in the future, and they actually heed it.
I would have loved to have her been able to dance at Erik and Jimmy's weddings (and whatever other ones may be coming up); give a stern talking to to Keith; tell my brothers to GO READ A BOOK because they are bored; meet Little Dude; see Melissa and I finish graduate school; dance around the kitchen to Lady Gaga or Kenny Chesney or Taylor Swift or Katy Perry or anything post-TLC's "Waterfalls;" to argue politics with her some more (I am sure she is rolling over in her grave over my bleeding-heart liberal stances; but I think she would be proud of me for making logical, articulate arguments and standing up for what I believe in). I would have loved to have been able to crawl up next to her for a hug last spring and summer when my heart was breaking for so many months as I fought to make things work. Just have her hug me, then give me some inspirational kick in the ass to keep calm and carry on. Or hear her words of strength and wisdom after that dreadful April 16th, just a few weeks after we lost her.
But, we don't have that luxury. We do have the memories she gave us, and rely on her strength even though she isn't here. So, even now, 5 years later, I sometimes still feel lost without her. We must find strength in our memories of her, pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and carry on; we reach out to others; we fight for what we believe in - we fight the good fight. And, by doing that, we keep her memory alive. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Peace With Inches
We all have to fight our way back into the light - we can climb out of hell. One inch at a time.
As I was out for my walk yesterday, my "Hotel Hazing" mix playlist came on - starting with the Peace With Inches speech, to Firestarter, to Welcome to the Jungle, to Enter Sandman, to Let the Bodies Hit the Floor. In the climatic series of events in "Any Given Sunday", Al Pacino's coach gives an awesome inspiring speech to his team. You can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQUBq2blgjU and http://www.justsomelyrics.com/910133/Any-Given-Sunday-Peace-With-Inches-Lyrics
Before our Hotel initiation, this was played before breaking into "Firestarter" to kick of a night of hazing. And it was great. The speech is an inspiration, a memory and a piece of me for many reasons. I know that all of those guys who did that with me are always there, no matter how long it has been since we have seen or spoke. The same goes for all the kids who came after us.
That's part of life. But you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life's this game of inches.
I found myself identifying with it in a new way as I get older. It isn't about me and my buds getting through freshman year to initiation, it wasn't about getting pumped for a football game, it wasn't about getting amped to do unto others as they did unto us, it wasn't about saying goodbye after graduation to the people who clawed with you, it wasn't about looking back on some great memories with great people. It was about surrounding myself with people who view life like I do, enjoying the ride with them, being there for them (and them me) and if they don't - then they can "die as individuals."
We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that's gonna make the f#@*ing difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying!
Things were topsy turvy lately - adjustment, 518 nothing to do winter, realizations, reverting back, change, solo single gal. Everyone has an "off" time in their life, whatever it may be. It's what you do after you realize you are in your own "hell." But, every inch forward is a step forward. We don't sit at home and wallow in our sorrow - we giddy on up and live life. Live! Live! Live! It sometimes get darker before it gets lighter, but you claw, and dig for that inch closer and closer to the light. But, we don't realize that sometimes we find ourselves in that "hell" because the guy next to you - whether it is friends, significant other, family - decides not to claw with you. He won't go that inch with you. Even though you would do the same for him. And that is, at times, what digs us deeper and deeper down. You expect teammates to dig and claw with you. Then they don't.
And I know if I'm going to have any life anymore, it's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch.
They don't believe in fighting with the guy next to him, whomever it may be, to dig back into the light. But, we refuse to accept people like that in our lives. Al Pacino would have kicked his sorry ass out of the locker room. And, we have to decide whether we are going to do the same. We pick ourselves up, look in the mirror and re-evaluate the teammates in our lives. Are they worth clawing for? Are you worth their help?
When we find out that they are either too scared, weak, or lousy to claw with you - we must allow them to dig their own hole and we start clawing ourselves out. It may be hard. But, that's a choice we have to make.
We must climb out one inch at a time, and do it with the guy next to you. If they claw with you.
Now, what are you going to do?
I'm a firestarter. Terrific firestarter.
As I was out for my walk yesterday, my "Hotel Hazing" mix playlist came on - starting with the Peace With Inches speech, to Firestarter, to Welcome to the Jungle, to Enter Sandman, to Let the Bodies Hit the Floor. In the climatic series of events in "Any Given Sunday", Al Pacino's coach gives an awesome inspiring speech to his team. You can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQUBq2blgjU and http://www.justsomelyrics.com/910133/Any-Given-Sunday-Peace-With-Inches-Lyrics
Before our Hotel initiation, this was played before breaking into "Firestarter" to kick of a night of hazing. And it was great. The speech is an inspiration, a memory and a piece of me for many reasons. I know that all of those guys who did that with me are always there, no matter how long it has been since we have seen or spoke. The same goes for all the kids who came after us.
That's part of life. But you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life's this game of inches.
I found myself identifying with it in a new way as I get older. It isn't about me and my buds getting through freshman year to initiation, it wasn't about getting pumped for a football game, it wasn't about getting amped to do unto others as they did unto us, it wasn't about saying goodbye after graduation to the people who clawed with you, it wasn't about looking back on some great memories with great people. It was about surrounding myself with people who view life like I do, enjoying the ride with them, being there for them (and them me) and if they don't - then they can "die as individuals."
We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that's gonna make the f#@*ing difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying!
Things were topsy turvy lately - adjustment, 518 nothing to do winter, realizations, reverting back, change, solo single gal. Everyone has an "off" time in their life, whatever it may be. It's what you do after you realize you are in your own "hell." But, every inch forward is a step forward. We don't sit at home and wallow in our sorrow - we giddy on up and live life. Live! Live! Live! It sometimes get darker before it gets lighter, but you claw, and dig for that inch closer and closer to the light. But, we don't realize that sometimes we find ourselves in that "hell" because the guy next to you - whether it is friends, significant other, family - decides not to claw with you. He won't go that inch with you. Even though you would do the same for him. And that is, at times, what digs us deeper and deeper down. You expect teammates to dig and claw with you. Then they don't.
And I know if I'm going to have any life anymore, it's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch.
They don't believe in fighting with the guy next to him, whomever it may be, to dig back into the light. But, we refuse to accept people like that in our lives. Al Pacino would have kicked his sorry ass out of the locker room. And, we have to decide whether we are going to do the same. We pick ourselves up, look in the mirror and re-evaluate the teammates in our lives. Are they worth clawing for? Are you worth their help?
When we find out that they are either too scared, weak, or lousy to claw with you - we must allow them to dig their own hole and we start clawing ourselves out. It may be hard. But, that's a choice we have to make.
We must climb out one inch at a time, and do it with the guy next to you. If they claw with you.
Now, what are you going to do?
I'm a firestarter. Terrific firestarter.
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