Old Familiar Faces

So, many who read this will probably figure out who I am talking about, but, whatever.

This weekend I had dinner with a former beau (we will call him Beau #1) who I haven't seen in probably 6 or 7 years.  While our relationship may have ended in college, for me there was always something special about our time together.  What was that something? I don't know. It was just a connection between us. Our conversation was natural and fun.  We reminisced, caught up on the goings of the last few years, happenings of family and friends, and future plans.  He remembered things about me, little things, things that seem silly, but in reality demonstrate our past connection (even though that connection was 8 years ago).  Like he laughed and didn't seemed surprised that I quote "Tombstone" a few times a week at work (I was still quoting movies back then), because, even back then, it was one of my fave flicks. While that may seem silly, it was selfishly reassuring.  I laughed with #1 about something that was "typical" Becca, or something that was "totally" #1 (or not), but I don't think that would happen with some subsequent beaus.  While we are only mere acquaintances now, our relationship then was important, special and fun; that no matter that so many years have past, we remember the wonderful fun times we had. We had some bad times, lots of rough patches, but we chose to discuss the good ones. Isn't that what really matters?

I started thinking about what other relationships are like that.  They are few and far between.  And I thought about the fact that Beau #1 may really know more about the person I am today than some people who are currently in my life. I think those moments with some other beaus would not include laughter but a rolling of my eyes.  That falls a bit on me.  I don't know if I wasn't open to having those moments; maybe I am in a bad spot without the luxury of hindsight (and it hasn't kicked in yet).

I think he knows what defines who I am more than subsequent beaus that I had spent significantly more time with, or it could just be the luxury of time.  If it's the former, what does that say about me? More importantly, I think, what does that say about my relationship with these beaus?  Did I not share that information?  Was Beau #1 just more receptive? Did he care more?  Did I care more? Was understanding people in his life more important than the others? Was I not as open or receptive to being "read" or understood because of my history with Beau #1 (and other men folk)? Was it just the fact that it was "young love"?

I don't think I intentionally kept little things about me secret, but maybe as I have become older and more cynical I have done so subconsciously.  Or was I blind to the fact that later beaus just didn't "get it" or that this type of "loyalty" wasn't as important to them.

So where is the difference? I think that loyalty is a big part of relationships (I am not talking about loyalty that, say, soldiers have on the battlefield, but strictly personal relationships) - whether it is to a romantic partner, friend, coworker, etc - and to be loyal you must have compassion, sympathy, empathy and understanding.  You can't be loyal to someone without knowing them .  You know what makes them tick, what to say that will always make the laugh, and what will make them see red with rage.  You have to be able to tell them you are sorry and put yourself in their shoes and feel their pain.  You have to have these pieces to have a real relationship with someone - whether romantic or friendship.  Its in your gut. That is what fosters loyalty and unless you are willing to find all of these things, you can never truly be a loyal friend or lover.  

I take pride in my loyalty to others, and my friends' loyalty to me; we all share each piece of the puzzle.  We surround ourselves with people like us, and if you yourself cannot appreciate these traits, you probably surround yourself with people with similar approaches to relationships, and as such they would probably not covet such traits.  And while you may be floating along believing you have a deep circle of trust, I would disagree.  Without loyalty, compassion, empathy and understanding, how can you ever truly trust or put yourself all in?  Would your friends call you if they need something? If not, then how can you be so sure that your circle of relationships is a real and healthy one?  And, in my opinion, these people are not necessarily ones that are "true" friends. Ergo, they would not be people I would want to surround myself with.

We can all find people that share pieces of the puzzle - those values of compassion, empathy, understanding and ultimately loyalty - and epitomize what we want in a partner (or friend).  If we allow ourselves to find it.

Doc: Sure you do. Say goodbye to me. Go grab that spirited actress and make her your own. Take that beauty from it, don't look back. Live every second. Live right on to the end. Live Wyatt. Live for me. Wyatt, if you were ever my friend - if ya ever had even the slightest of feelin' for me, leave now. Leave now... Please.

Wyatt : Thanks for always being there, Doc.