Common Courtesy - Beach, Ballpark, and Bums

I mean, seriously, what the hell happened to it?  Common courtesy comes in different forms - from strangers, to colleagues, to (former) loved ones.

If you walk into someone accidentally on the street, say "sorry" - or at least offer an "oops, my bad."  I went to three Mets games this weekend - and it was awesome. Of course there is going to be bumping, and walking into people, and cutting in front of people - these things happen because of the layout, the number of people (kids and adults alike), excitement, etc.  All it takes to resolve that is an "excuse me."  Sometimes, even a smile and a nod would suffice - some sort of action saying, "hey, I wasn't trying to be douche-y, and we are all trying to make our way to our seats or the bathroom or the hot dog stand."  And all is well again in the world of common decency. Most ballpark goers share this sentiment, and do their best to avoid unnecessary walking/bumping errors.  And, it was my observation the people clad in Yankees garb had the biggest sense of entitlement to walk everywhichdirection without acknowledging their fellow baseball lovers (even though those dopes probably weren't baseball lovers anyway).

Then, there are the beachgoers.  Really, most of these people have no sense of common courtesy, and have no idea of personal space and impact on other beachgoers.  Yes, there is sand everywhere; and yes, the wind blows; and yes, when you walk sand gets kicked up.  But, you have to teach your kids to at least ATTEMPT to go around my blanket... and, you know, sometimes the kids aren't even the worst.  God forbid you have to walk in front of someone and forego holding hands with your manpiece for the .5 seconds it takes to go around someone's blanket - OR THE PERSON. Some clown pretty much kicked sand directly on me as I was sitting in my chair.  Yes, I am a clutz and I walk in random angles (they are still technically straight lines), but at least I make an effort to avoid disrupting other people's spaces.  And sometimes I do accidentally kick sand on someone's blanket, but I turn around, acknowledge my oops, and carry on with my day.  If they want to stay mad, fine, that's their beef, but I at least acknowledge my fumble.

You are teaching kids it is OK to be inconsiderate of other people's space and are giving them a heightened sense of entitlement - yea, that's a winning lesson for life.

Speaking of fumbles, there were many beachgoers tossing around balls and frisbees - and I was on the dividing line of one end.  A ball or two bopped my way (from 2 different groups) - they ran over, apologized, made a joke about their lack of athleticism and then attempted to make an adjustment in their throwing angle/power/whatever.  That's all we ask - an attempt and being considerate of your fellow folks trying to enjoy the sunshine as much as you.

If you shared your life with someone at some point (especially a recent "some point"), and an event occurs (where that person would be impacted by it in some way - emotionally, physically, morally) - whether it be tragic or otherwise - it is common decency to call (or text or email) that person to let them know what happened.  Regardless of the state of your relationship, the phone should have been picked up - some effort should have been made to contact that person directly.  Finding out second or third hand (or reading it online) is just inappropriate and inexcusable.  Maybe it all goes back to the cowardice thing.

We are all sharing this trip around the sun - so why not be a bit more courteous to make the ride more fun?

Awesomeness Begats More Awesomeness

In about 5 months, I will turn 30; to celebrate I am having a countdown to 30 of bad ass adventures. I'm doing things that I haven't done before and crossing them off the bucket list - skydiving, Vegas, paramotoring, seeing Madonna in concert, seeing BRRUUUUUUCE (did that in April), ziplining down a mountain, Ireland, etc.

And, as I ponder what is to come, I think about all the things I have done that many don't get the chance to:

• I have lived in many different places: Long Island, rural upstate NY, Chesterfield, Blacksburg, Newark, and Albany. All very different - all are me in their own way. All have shaped me.
• I have up and moved on my own for myself - twice. First to Newark for grad school, then up to Albany for work. I recommend everyone have this type of experience at least once.  You learn who you are, how to survive alone, and you find out who you really are.
• I have been apart of JROTC, ROTC, VTCC - all of which have allowed me to meet amazing people and do awesome things. One thing JROTC specifically did for me was give me my voice - it showed me something I was good at and brought me out of my shell. I was quiet and fairly introverted until 9th grade. I gained confidence and a platform - thus opening the door to who I could be.
• I rappelled off 30, 40 and 60 foot walls; I jumped off a helicopter skid. I shot an M-16 on semi-automatic.  I got to wake kids up at 5am with Enter Sandman or Welcome to the Jungle reverberating through Old Rasche.  And I did this with some amazing people - my fellow Hokies, my buds, my fellow Hotel and Foxtrot members.  Nothing will replace them or those experiences we had together.
• Speaking of Enter Sandman, do you get the urge to start jumping when you hear it? I do - thanks to Lane Stadium and my Hokies. I've hit the Hokie stone in the tunnel, rushed the field, seen my Hokies win the ACC in its first year of membership (in Miami), and taken over Miami and Jacksonville with thousands of fellow Hokies.
• I walked down the side of an 18-story building to raise dough for the Special Olympics.
• I've had the best boyfriend - New York. Even with my absence when I moved south, he was always loyal. I've seen Conan's and Jimmy Fallon's shows, been on the Today Show (after discussing leather pants with Kenny Chesney's guitar player), ridden the Central Park carousel, walked across the Brooklyn Bridge... I could go on.
• I remember the World Trade Center before 2001, and even before 1993. I saw the Towers from all angles - from Jersey and Staten Island, from uptown and Battery Park.
• I experienced great sporting events - I was at the last day of Shea, saw John Maine take a no no to the 8th, taken people to their first professional baseball and football games, met Darryl Strawberry, bonded with Mr. Met, braved ice to see the Jets the day after Christmas on MNF.
• I marched on the field for the halftime performance of the Peach Bowl in Atlanta.
• I have seen amazing concerts - I've hopped fences to meet Dierks Bentley, jumped on stage to say hi to the Murphys, gotten setlists from various shows, roadtripped to Bristol, DC, Philly, NC, etc with amazing people to catch shows.
• I've had the joy of being Aunt Becca to amazing kiddos - and we've only just begun.
• I've been to a strip club in West Virginia; this wouldn't be at the top of the "awesomeness" pile, but I can say that I did it, and a lot of people probably haven't.
• I have ridden on the back of a Harley.  I am not going to say how I ended up on the back of said Harley with this certain individual, but it was pretty sweet.
• I have loved and been loved completely; it may not have lasted, and it was only for a short while a long time ago, but it happened. Make sure you find that kind of love - don't settle.  And I haven't.

The Way We Were

Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.
I don't get it.
And you never will.

I posted that on FB recently, and was asked why so many women identify with this movie (SN: this set of lines is from "Sex and the City's" reference to the film).  I gave a brief summation to that initial question, and it got me thinking about all the ins and outs of my answers - so I figured expanding my response may clear things up.  I will put a caveat in there - find a summary of the flick (IMDB has a pretty good one) so you can understand what the heck I am talking about.  Also, I am not "men bashing" here - I am using he vs. she as it relates to characters in the movie.  I identify more with the she - but there are just as many men who may fall into this category.

Many of us see ourselves in Katie: uncompromising, strong-willed, independent, pushy (in the "get off your ass" or "you aren't living up to your potential" kind of way), and outspoken.  But, we are also giving and loving; we yearn for what "could be" or "should be" with a little elbow grease. We can be vulnerable and lonely, because we sometimes alienate ourselves or can be too intense for people around us (or for our own good). We people on pedestals or view someone in their "ideal" state (or basically, the way they should be when they actually live up to their potential or allow themselves to be good people).

Often, people (men) can't handle this type of personality; I think it is that they just don't want to deal with it - it is too hard for them.  They can't handle challenges - whether it is in a relationship or life.  It is work (Easy? Maybe easier than the Hundred Years War!) to them, but in reality all it takes is a little effort. There is an expectation that things should fall in their favor, in whatever manner they feel it should go. The amount of effort each puts into life is similar to the effort they are willing to put into a relationship before it meets that awful threshold of becoming "work."  Those who put minimal effort into their every day life or have that sense of expectations, will put in minimal efforts toward working on a relationship before they squirm their way out of it because it is "too much work."  She puts effort into her life every day - changing the world, educating society, changing herself, wanting more out of life and going for it - and she expects that her relationships would be no different.  She also expects the other person in a relationship (friends, lovers, family) to put in that same kind of effort, and when they don't it just boggles her (and she often lets them know it). 

Some will take the easy way - Hubbell stuck with writing screenplays rather than writing that glorious novel that Katie wanted  him to do, and she knew he could do.  When things get too much or too sour, they find ways to go "the easy way out" - whether it is sleeping with an ex-girlfriend as Hubbell did (while Katie was pregnant), or maybe just continually driving her away, or just not even attempting to be human to someone.  But, they will never pull the trigger and just end it - because they are afraid? Because they know they were wrong? Because they are too selfish? Because they know what they are losing or have already lost? So, they allow the strong pushy one to take the reins, as usual, and end it.  They drive her away until she does it, because they know she will.  They quit because it is too much work to fix it or end it themselves.

And, she knows that it probably wouldn't have worked - but she won't know for sure because there was no effort, no confirmation that they both fought the good fight to the bitter end.  She feels she gave everything she had, and Hubbell just shacked up with someone new because it simply wouldn't work.  Katie moved on, got married to a man who was a great dad to Rachel; Hubbell still wrote screenplays and had a new lady-friend on his arm.  "Your girl is lovely, Hubbell."  Katie offers to meet for drinks, but he can't do it.  There's that moment....

In the end we yearn for the consolation prize of knowing that he has realized that she is the best thing that has ever happened to him - and she is probably the only one who could or would ever love him fully... not necessarily for what he is, but for what he really truly could be.  No one else would challenge him like she did, or attempt to make him a better person like she would.  But, he also knew she wouldn't stick around unless he made changes, or penance, or became a the person he should become. He probably wanted to. He just couldn't get out of his own way - or get off his ass.

Reflections on 1-29: Thoughts on life to a younger me (or anyone else younger than me)

• Finishing school and getting a "real" job doesn't mean you have to "be a grown up" or grow up. Just become more responsible and mature.  
• Be conscious of your body, but don't be self-conscious.
• It is OK to cry and be sad, or angry or depressed - but you must acknowledge and identify it before you can move past it.
• HIDE YOUR DEBIT CARD WHEN YOU ARE DRINKING. Put some cash in pocket and limit how much dough you spend.
• Find the laughter in everything (including yourself).  Even a bad day, a bad haircut, or a bad boyfriend (the laughter usually comes after the break up, but it will happen).  
• Life is gonna suck once in a while.  OK, more than once in a while.  But, you do your best to fix it, acknowledge what happened, accept it, learn from it - and come out stronger and smiling (or in my case, giggling).  You may be battered and bruised, but you can make it all better with a smile. Keep calm and carry on.
• You are not going to look like those models in YM, Seventeen, whatever.  Accept the genes you are dealt, work to stay healthy, and own your body.
• Don't ever be ashamed of having a vulnerable moment - we are allowed one or two.  Don't overcompensate for it. Allow yourself to be the damsel in distress once in a while.  Trying to be too strong can make you weaker.
• Some days it's a bitch, it's a bummer - you need a rock'n'roll show in the summer. Escape reality, even for a hot minute.
• Life usually won't live up to your daydreams - and that's OK.  We all want and deserve the fairy tale (or the rom com).  Even though it may not go as planned, you may still get that fairy tale happy ending.  And if you don't, make your own.
• A song can be your best friend, your worst enemy or the key to a memory.  Or eventually it will be all 3.  Cherish each one.
• Your body is your own.  Don't sleep with that dude/chick just because you want to keep him around/please him/whatever... but, if you have the desire to shack up with him/her with no strings attached, then be safe, and do your thing.  Don't let your ownership (and safe use) of your sexuality label you a "slut" or "floozy" or whatever else they will call out. It is your body, your choice - take care of it. Don't be ashamed.  I am in no way promoting promiscuity or unsafe recreation, but I am promoting personal decisions, and these situations should be no different - as long as you take the appropriate precautions.
• Don't be afraid to let your whole heart go. No matter the pain you may have felt before, nothing hurts more than losing someone because you were afraid to go all in, or because you were afraid they would hurt you too.  After vetting, let them in.
• Wear sunscreen.  Seriously.  Sun poisoning sucks.
• Go do things by yourself - it is perfectly OK to see a concert, catch a flick, see a ballgame alone.  The only person you have to decide with is yourself; you can get there when you please; you don't have to worry about sharing popcorn or soda; you can sneak into different seats; you aren't pressured to leave early/get there late.  Whatever. And, you can make friends.
• If someone burns you, it is ok to forgive and give them one more chance (if they are deemed worthy).  They do it again, that means it was more than a lapse in judgement or a mistake, and they are not worth the time. 
• You may feel the stab of jealousy once in a while.  And that is OK, but don't let it consume you.  Suck it up and realize that you are better than they are.
• Stay true and loyal to those who share those views, and are true and loyal to you.  The definition of loyalty may seem muddled at times, but you will know.  If people don't have your back, they are not worth your time - no matter how "cool" or "hot" or "popular" they may be.  They won't be there in the end.
• It is OK to be a "nerd" about whatever you geek out about - baseball, comics, movies, music.  Embrace it, own it, be it.  
• Seek and ye shall find.