Suddenly self-conscious single

For some reason I have suddenly become super self-conscious that I am single.  Not in the "I am so looooooonely and will die ALONE WAHHHHHHHH" kind of way, but in the "wow, I really am pretty much the last of my friends that is single.  Whut?!"  It kind of hit me ridiculously hard this weekend for some reason - maybe it is because two of my usual single stand-bys suddenly BOTH have lady friends.  And all of a sudden, I feel like I have to change around them (it doesn't help that I have a history with one of them... but that is drama for another day) sometimes.  It's not like I can't be my usual asshole self, but I feel like maaaayyyybe some jokes just can't be said anymore around them.  And so, I am SUPER self-conscious about it. 

I made a comment about it this weekend, and folks in the crew didn't seem to understand that even with not all of the significant others there, it was still weird.  All the hooked up ones were either smooching or cuddling with their boos, and if they weren't there they were texting them.  Then there was me... drunk texting one of the Harvettes.  I am totally OK with being the one drunk texting the babies, but, really, having a companion doing the same would be GLORIOUS.  Maybe part of it is that I am also the "crazy" one - in the "let's party til we drop, fools" kind of way. Aaaaaand they've all allowed age to get the better of them.

It probably also doesn't help that, as the lone single one, everyone else seems to have a "find a dude Becca can hook up with or make out with or marry" radar out in full force when we go out.  Sometimes it works, usually it doesn't.  I am perfectly capable of creepin' all by myself, thank you very much.  So, because I am pretty much the last one, I am hyper aware of it, which in turn becomes a hyper ridiculous situation at times.   Eh.  Oh well - see you out there, friends...

Why do we qualify rejections?

"You're a pretty girl, but...."
"I think you're a great guy, but..."

How many times have we said these things or had these things said to us?  Why do we have to qualify why we are rejecting someone?  I mean, why can't we just say "I just don't dig you."  We don't need to lay out some bullshit line to pick someone up, just to bring 'em down.  To me, tossing out that little caveat at the beginning makes rejection sting a little but more, mainly because it seems like a load of, well, bullshit, and you felt the need to throw out a condescending remark.  Often times, this makes the person feel low, used, and like shit.

I get it, we don't want to hurt someone's feelings, and we think that giving the person a little piece of warm and fuzzies will make rejection go down smooth.  In actuality, it makes it a little sugar high into a major sugar crash.

Just be honest about it: "I don't dig you, sorry dude." If there's a reason, or they ask you why, say it: "you're too wild" or "you're a Yankees fan" or "there's just no spark."  Honesty people, just throw it out there without some nonsense line to start the conversation.  I am not saying being a dick about it, but adding on a load of sugar isn't going to make it any better, either.  And really, honesty up front, without a load fluff around it, will make things a whole lot easier.  We accept it, we stay buddies (or move on to the next one).

Seriously, a spoonful of honest sugar helps the medicine go down; adding a little "but...." at the beginning turns it way too sour.

Why do I have to explain why I'm single? #IWD2014

It is International Women's Day, and believe me we've come a long way, but there's more to do. This iteration is brought to you by this question: why do I have to explain why I'm single?

When people find out I'm single, it often goes to "did you just break up?" or "he's out there" or "you're such a catch." The last one is debatable, but whatever. When I say I'm single by choice I get stares; I get a more tame reaction when I say I don't want kids. The fact that me not wanting to procreate is more acceptable than my pride in being single is surprising.

I have to explain I'm not anti-relationship... but I kind of am. Being single doesn't always mean being lonely; I've been more lonely with a bf than when single. Point is, a relationship will only happen when there are fireworks - not sparklers, but Magic Kingdom Wishes fireworks. I don't have time to see if that sparkler will become a spectacle, but it needs to be there at the start. I've had crazy fireworks x1000 once and I won't settle for anything less at the get go.

Why is that so hard to understand?

I mean, I'm usually attracted to someone put together (job, etc) but unavailable. Generally, it's someone emotionally unavailable (like me), emotionally retarded (like me), or broken (like me), which leads to, well, nothing. That's the way the cookie crumbles. AND I'M OK WITH THAT. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ANYTHING ELSE.

As a woman who recently celebrated a Mike Piazza birthday, this is crazy talk to some. Not the fact that I'm single, but the fact that IDGAF and won't attempt it unless there's a ridiculous fireworks show. I mean, why not? I've got a good life, and there are parameters to disrupting that. Wishes fireworks.

If I were a dude, this would all be totally unquestionable. I mean, they are the ones with careers and a wild streak and all that. So why is it they are distinguished bachelors, but I'm a head case cat lady? What's the difference? A vagina, neediness and maternal instincts, apparently. NOPE.  I'm generally the crazy one with a wild streak... so why isn't acceptable for me?

Show me Wishes, and I'll consider changing it up. Until then, I'll make out a time or two with a sparkler and go on my merry way.