There is all this talk of chivalry being dead, and everyone needs to point out all the things men need to do to/for women to help bring it back.
What does chivalry even mean? It goes back to the Middle Ages and the ideal qualities and character of knights, including mercy towards the poor, humility, valor, faithfulness, courage, fear of God, and graciousness and courtesy to women. Chivalry and its related traits are generally noble and something we should aspire to - so why is it limited to what men should do? Why shouldn't women be held to the same standard and why is it only left to men?
This article talks about the 8 things men should do for women. Some, admittedly, may be seen as sweet when offered on occasion or during the courting process, but shouldn't it work both ways (at least a little)? Moreover, why should women have the expectations that men do these things for them ALL THE TIME. Whether you're in a relationship or in society at large, the high expectations that men treat you "special" or act in a chivalrous manner 24/7 is unfair and unrealistic. Not to mention, blurring the lines of professional courtesy.
It talks about dropping her off at the door if you have to drive around to find a parking spot (especially if she is in heels). Well, I have been in situations where the dude I was with got new shoes - and of course he didn't wear them in so he's kvetching about how uncomfortable they are. If she is comfortable in her attire and footwear, why shouldn't she drop him off? Wouldn't that be the courteous thing to do?
But the biggest thing that chaps my ass is the whole "giving up the seat" thing. "I always cringe a bit when I see a woman or elderly person forced to stand while young men remain distracted by their phones." Why the hell are women lumped in with the elderly (which I think seats should absolutely be offered up to, if they want it)? Generally, when we use the term "elderly" we ever to older fools who may not have the strength or stamina of others (really, I know some pushing 80 that are stronger than most dudes in their 20s) - do you see women the same way?
Doesn't it occur to you that a male could be just as much dead on their feet as a woman, and just needs to sit down on that long trip home? Why should a man who has been working on his feet all day at a deli have to give up his seat to a woman who is just starting her day? Why is that same man any different than a woman who has been on her feet all day working at a retail store? Aren't their efforts equal - a long day on their feet? Regardless of gender, if you are refreshed and getting your day started, and you see someone get on the train that you can tell was on their feet for hours (or is frazzled our looks like their feet are generally killing them), maybe, as a person, you should consider letting that person have your seat - whether it be a man or a woman. Chivalry is about generosity and mercy - why is it limited to showing those traits to women? Why couldn't a man do something similar for another man? Or a female for another female?
SN: You offer me your seat just because I am a female, and I will squarely turn your ass down. If you offer it to me because you can tell I am beat and need to take a load off, whether you are male or female, I will be gracious regardless of whether I take you up on your offer.
I am in no way saying dudes shouldn't do these things - they will certainly get you points when you first start dating or are stuck in the doghouse - but why should they be the only one held to this standard? Doing all of these things, all of the time, can sometimes take the level of "courtesy" to the next level of giving her a sense of helplessness. Both men and women in a relationship need to find that happy medium - for themselves and their relationship.
This also needs to happen in society in general. If I'm at work, I don't expect, nor do I want, to see men carrying out acts of chivalry. We work together, we are professionals, and me being female should not mean I'm treated differently. Standing around waiting for the men in front of me to get on the elevator, only to have them step aside and defer until I walk to the front of the crowd to get on first because I'm a lady, is so goddam annoying. Don't make me parade through the crowd - GET ON THE DAMN ELEVATOR.
Find a balance, guys, and don't be dicks. Let's treat everyone right - and reserve special acts of chivalry for sporadic brownie points. Don't let gender decide who does it or expects to see it.
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