ICYMI: I got a new job. I have been with OGS as an Agency Labor Rep since May. I accepted a promotion at the Department of Environmental Conservation as an Agency Labor Rep 2. It is a small office - it is an ALR3 and me (and a Director who oversees other things).... And. So. I. Am. Freaking. Out.
Back during the interview process, this was the first interview where NONE of the cookie cutter questions that college and our future-grooming tried to prepare us for were asked. The questions were all about my experience - a bit of a surprise for me. Before this, promotions were a natural progression and changing fields was a new experience where my skills was all I needed (and not necessarily subject matter knowledge). But, now, I am expected to know what the hell I am doing, and do it at a higher level. I have been in the Labor Relations field for 9 months, and during the
interview I realized how much stuff I actually DID and that I actually
(kinda) knew what I was doing.
It is invigorating and unnerving, scary and exhilarating. I know I can do the job, and I know I will be good at it because I like
what I do, but this is the moment where adulthood actually slaps you
in the face. No panic, but clear anxiety that will pass once I walk in there the first day. Charismatic, goofy, ridiculous Becca will arrive and knock their socks off. Maybe the best thing I have going for me is that I can openly admit that I am feeling this, because I don't know if 25 year old Becca would have been able to.
Emotions or feelings of uneasiness or anxiety are not a sign of weakness - just find a way to harness them and turn it into positive energy and motivation to kick ass at whatever you need to face. So, all you crazy kids out there, embrace whatever emotions you are having, conquer the fear, confront the anxiety and turn it into a power play.
So- I am going to ninja kick this job!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Friday the 14th
Yes, Friday is February 14th... VALENTINE'S DAY! I call Singles Appreciation Day, because why not? Do I care about it? Personally not really, but VDay always means:
Marathon of Valentine/love/rom-com/dramas on every goddam channel. Do they bother me? Nah*. Annoying, yes. They are the same as any other themed marathon, and I'll be honest, the only marathons I truly embrace are TCM's 31 Days of Oscar and baseball related movies.
(*Caveat: there are certain things that bother me, of which I'll explain below.)
Then there's all the "buy her this...." commercials, from jewelry to teddy bears to chocolate to lingerie. A bit ridiculous that only the women should accept gifts or that men are the only ones that fret over VDay gifts. I'm a non romantic doof, I'd have no idea what to get. But, I put up with the commercials- it's a business, man, go make yo' money on a holiday.
But, the holiday always brings out some of the ridiculous, like articles or ads about "how to catch a guy" or "how to make him stick around" or "YOU NEED A MAN." Well, maybe not worded directly like that, but you get the point.
First, no one "needs" a partner; a partner is someone you find that completes you, and you shouldn't settle for anything less. If you want to find your mate via dating sites, etc. more power to ya, but if you are good just how you are, keep doing you.
Anything beyond "be yourself" shouldn't be on any list on how to snare/keep a mate. By pretending to be someone else or taming your personality can lead to a rude awakening when the real you comes out. I'm not talking about in a fight or whatever, I'm talking about everyday you. I was told to temper my baseball/football passion/knowledge when I first met a guy, but that's part of who I am. Why should I leave out such a big part of my personality? If you can't handle it, bro, I'm not a girl for you.
Then we get to the movies that are promoted where "finding a mate" is the end all, be all, and life isn't worth living or is incomplete without "love" and someone needs to be rescued or save the other. Not everyone needs to be rescued, or be the knight in shining armor; people don't necessarily need a partner to make life complete. Are facets of this real? Sure. Everyone wants a fairy tale- just make sure it's your own, and you are true to yourself. Give me movies like "The Muppets" or "Love Actually" or "Pride and Prejudice" that portray complicated people and relationships, and strong, but flawed, characters (both men and women). Show me people that find the perfect complement, regardless of their issues, without compromise because they realize they don't need a man (or woman).
So, in conclusion, Eliza Bennett 4 lyfe.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
I eat alone.
YES. I GO OUT TO DINNER ALONE.
Friday night I went out to dinner to celebrate my promotion. I had errands to run, and was craving some cinnamon butter and steak goodness, so I went to Texas Roadhouse. I get there and it is an hour+ wait. That's fine - I can wait, and will keep an eye out for open spots at the bar. I make my first loop - full. Wait about ten minutes and do another loop and see an empty seat on the far end of the bar. I walk over and there is a couple in front of me who are ordering drinks standing in front of the single chair. They get their drinks, and just stand there. I wait a minute or two to let them get their shit together, get situated, etc. and they don't move. Just stand there awkwardly. So I walk over to ask if they are sitting down - and I get a sigh and a roll of the eyes. Homeboy pulls the "well... uhhh" - lame. I tell them I just want to eat and I got the "oh, she's here alone, give her a stool to sit and have her dinner." Give me a break.
Obviously I order a drink ASAP and then I feel the stares from said couple. Really, people? You are there having awkward conversation drinking your white wine, and you are judging ME?! Throughout the night I have conversations with various people on social media or texts and one statement was: I wouldn't have the balls to do that.
Do what? Eat alone? Really? Sometimes solitude in a busy restaurant is just right. You can peoplewatch, drink whatever you want, not have to worry about any conversation or awkward silences. You can even make some new friends - I didn't Friday night because the dudes next to me were typical drunk Yankee fan douchers, so that was a no-go.
The thing is, why THE HELL is it such a big deal for someone to eat alone. More accurately, why is there a need for a feeling of pity when a female eats alone? While I was getting stares and sympathetic looks (as well as getting extra attention from the other 2 bartenders beyond the one who was my primary server), a dude came in and stood behind me to order a beer (I'm little, he wasn't in my space, I was next to the computer and the tap, so NBD), and the bartender knew him by name and what he drank. Apparently him being there alone was nothing new - so why was it so different for me?
Many people know that I spend weekend mornings (and afternoons and early evenings) watching Law & Order reruns on whatever of the four channels that are showing it now. Ever notice how Jack McCoy or Arthur Branch or Adam Schiff are interrupted at a meal - and they are often eating alone? Yes, they are all males in senior positions (whether it be Executive Assistant DA or the DA), but there is not a second thought or a comment about them eating alone, except for maybe the occasional comment after Jack was appointed to complete Branch's term as DA (but that seemed to be geared towards his rise in power). Isn't it ironic that I am out celebrating a promotion, and I am eating alone?
Then, on the same show, you don't see any of the female Assistant DAs eating alone; the females you see eating alone are the opposing attorneys or judges - and often they are labeled a certain way before that (whether it is conniving or bitchy or whatever). Why is that? Sure, most of the power roles are men (with the exception of Diane Wiest for a hot minute), so does that mean it's lonely at the top?
Is the correlation to power or to gender? Are we to expect that the more powerful or higher up a person is then the more acceptable it is for someone to eat alone? Or does it tie to powerful males - a man needs to be alone with his thoughts (and a drink and food) in order to process the powerful thing he did that day? Would it apply to females in power positions - would a woman who heads a company, or an office, go out and eat alone so a woman can be alone with her thoughts and decompress for a day? Damn straight she would. The question is, would that be acceptable? Would there still be awkward stares?
The thing is, going out to eat or doing anything alone is really not that big of a deal. Really. Going out alone shouldn't have to take "balls," it should just take someone wanting to enjoy a meal and being comfortable with yourself. Maybe that is where it equates to power positions - maybe those people who are in power (those DAs, those judges, those lawyers) are comfortable with themselves and what they do and can enjoy time alone. They can enjoy a meal, sitting at a bar or a booth or a table without company, because they are not really alone, they themselves are company. It shouldn't be an issue whether it is male or female - sometimes people just need to be alone with their thoughts and not give a shit if no one else wants to enjoy a steak with them.
Friday night I went out to dinner to celebrate my promotion. I had errands to run, and was craving some cinnamon butter and steak goodness, so I went to Texas Roadhouse. I get there and it is an hour+ wait. That's fine - I can wait, and will keep an eye out for open spots at the bar. I make my first loop - full. Wait about ten minutes and do another loop and see an empty seat on the far end of the bar. I walk over and there is a couple in front of me who are ordering drinks standing in front of the single chair. They get their drinks, and just stand there. I wait a minute or two to let them get their shit together, get situated, etc. and they don't move. Just stand there awkwardly. So I walk over to ask if they are sitting down - and I get a sigh and a roll of the eyes. Homeboy pulls the "well... uhhh" - lame. I tell them I just want to eat and I got the "oh, she's here alone, give her a stool to sit and have her dinner." Give me a break.
Obviously I order a drink ASAP and then I feel the stares from said couple. Really, people? You are there having awkward conversation drinking your white wine, and you are judging ME?! Throughout the night I have conversations with various people on social media or texts and one statement was: I wouldn't have the balls to do that.
Do what? Eat alone? Really? Sometimes solitude in a busy restaurant is just right. You can peoplewatch, drink whatever you want, not have to worry about any conversation or awkward silences. You can even make some new friends - I didn't Friday night because the dudes next to me were typical drunk Yankee fan douchers, so that was a no-go.
The thing is, why THE HELL is it such a big deal for someone to eat alone. More accurately, why is there a need for a feeling of pity when a female eats alone? While I was getting stares and sympathetic looks (as well as getting extra attention from the other 2 bartenders beyond the one who was my primary server), a dude came in and stood behind me to order a beer (I'm little, he wasn't in my space, I was next to the computer and the tap, so NBD), and the bartender knew him by name and what he drank. Apparently him being there alone was nothing new - so why was it so different for me?
Many people know that I spend weekend mornings (and afternoons and early evenings) watching Law & Order reruns on whatever of the four channels that are showing it now. Ever notice how Jack McCoy or Arthur Branch or Adam Schiff are interrupted at a meal - and they are often eating alone? Yes, they are all males in senior positions (whether it be Executive Assistant DA or the DA), but there is not a second thought or a comment about them eating alone, except for maybe the occasional comment after Jack was appointed to complete Branch's term as DA (but that seemed to be geared towards his rise in power). Isn't it ironic that I am out celebrating a promotion, and I am eating alone?
Then, on the same show, you don't see any of the female Assistant DAs eating alone; the females you see eating alone are the opposing attorneys or judges - and often they are labeled a certain way before that (whether it is conniving or bitchy or whatever). Why is that? Sure, most of the power roles are men (with the exception of Diane Wiest for a hot minute), so does that mean it's lonely at the top?
Is the correlation to power or to gender? Are we to expect that the more powerful or higher up a person is then the more acceptable it is for someone to eat alone? Or does it tie to powerful males - a man needs to be alone with his thoughts (and a drink and food) in order to process the powerful thing he did that day? Would it apply to females in power positions - would a woman who heads a company, or an office, go out and eat alone so a woman can be alone with her thoughts and decompress for a day? Damn straight she would. The question is, would that be acceptable? Would there still be awkward stares?
The thing is, going out to eat or doing anything alone is really not that big of a deal. Really. Going out alone shouldn't have to take "balls," it should just take someone wanting to enjoy a meal and being comfortable with yourself. Maybe that is where it equates to power positions - maybe those people who are in power (those DAs, those judges, those lawyers) are comfortable with themselves and what they do and can enjoy time alone. They can enjoy a meal, sitting at a bar or a booth or a table without company, because they are not really alone, they themselves are company. It shouldn't be an issue whether it is male or female - sometimes people just need to be alone with their thoughts and not give a shit if no one else wants to enjoy a steak with them.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Happy Anniversary, Roe v Wade
January 22nd marks the 40th anniversary of the Supreme Court decision on Roe v Wade, which essentially said that abortions cannot be banned/outlawed based on the right to privacy in the 14th Amendment. While being celebrated by women's rights advocates (among many other groups) it has been the bane of others' existence; this led to headed family gatherings and bitter arguments.
What I think is important to remember that being pro-choice doesn't mean "pro-talking-people-into-abortions." Pro-choice isn't always pro-abortion, but pro-give-women-something-to-choose-from. Those of us who believe in a woman's right to privacy and the right to choose do not seek to insert ourselves into these situations and talk women into abortions. No, we want women to look at every choice - adoption, keeping the child, or abortion. We do not seek to demonize women who are considering terminating a pregnancy (or those who already have), nor to paint them as martyrs or saints. We want women to make educated, personal decisions - and to have all the options open to them without the unwanted influence of the government, church groups or anyone else who believes they know what is better for a woman than she does.
Anti-choice advocates want to argue that Roe gave women the right to have multiple abortions (so they can slut themselves out, right?), or that most women who did have abortions ended up being depressed and regretful. Well, you know what - people do things that they regret later on in life everyday. Even decisions that were made after a long length of time, and at the time it seemed right, may end up being "not the best" in hind sight (switching jobs, buying a house, whatever). Point is, the fact that you MAY regret a decision, doesn't mean it should be outlawed. If that were the case, maybe we should outlaw DATING (because, really, we all have regrets about that), buying a house, switching jobs, or moving. Decisions must be made with all the facts and with due process (whatever that may be for her).
Women who terminate pregnancies are not "sluts" (poor decision makers may be appropriate at times). They are teenage girls who thought the boy "loved" them, or young women who just are not in a place to start a family, or a parent who knows that one more child will push it over the edge, or a woman who was raped at a party, or a female who is always very careful but one night the condom broke, or someone whose insurance refused to cover contraception and even after pulling out and using a condom it just happened. Or maybe someone who just got carried away one night and made a mistake. These are the face of evil or what is wrong with the world, apparently according to the anti-choicers. These women are human beings, just like you, who wish to make a decision related to THEIR body without YOU degrading them or YOU trying to make a decision that YOU have NOTHING to do with.
And, those that stand outside of clinics or hospitals where women have these procedures, you are scum. You are further degrading women and it is disgusting. You are no better and are generally hypocrites. The decision to terminate a pregnancy isn't something that you do on a whim. Unless you have been faced with the decision, you cannot speak to the agony that these women or couples go through in making this decision. To put these women or couples through further degradation beyond what they have already put themselves through is inhumane.
Another thing to remember is that Roe not only keeps abortion legal, it keeps it safe. I never lived in a time when a woman in this situation did not have a safe place to go should they be faced with this choice - although, they may have had to drive several counties over or across state lines for various issues. However, the history of how this women were medically treated is appalling - back alley (literally) procedures, unsanitary conditions, unlicensed "doctors," or being faced with a wire coat hanger in their bathroom. This left woman maimed, broken and sometimes sterile. Remember Penny in 'Dirty Dancing?' What would have happened to her if Dr. Housman wasn't there? I am not making light of it, but simply pointing out a very well known demonstration in pop culture.
I understand that people out there who are not supportive of the Roe decision do so for PERSONAL reasons... just like women who may be faced with this decision must make a PERSONAL decision for herself. Many women who are pro-choice who may be faced with this situation may determine that an abortion is NOT the best route - for her PERSONAL reasons, whether it be medical, religious or otherwise. But that is the whole point of all of this - it is a choice. And women should and must be able to have the ability to make a choice that is suitable for HER needs, for her own well being. It is not something that the general populace or the government or YOUR church should be a part of - this is a matter of privacy and personal decision.
And now, I hope that the Supreme Court continues to value to importance of the 14th (and 9th) amendment to ensure that we (all of us - men and women) are able to make determinations as it relates to our bodies for ourselves. You want to preach about liberty and freedom, well the Roe decision is primary example of such traits in this country. No one is forcing you do have an abortion, and therefore, just because YOU don't like it does not mean that it should be outlawed. That is true privacy and freedom.
What I think is important to remember that being pro-choice doesn't mean "pro-talking-people-into-abortions." Pro-choice isn't always pro-abortion, but pro-give-women-something-to-choose-from. Those of us who believe in a woman's right to privacy and the right to choose do not seek to insert ourselves into these situations and talk women into abortions. No, we want women to look at every choice - adoption, keeping the child, or abortion. We do not seek to demonize women who are considering terminating a pregnancy (or those who already have), nor to paint them as martyrs or saints. We want women to make educated, personal decisions - and to have all the options open to them without the unwanted influence of the government, church groups or anyone else who believes they know what is better for a woman than she does.
Anti-choice advocates want to argue that Roe gave women the right to have multiple abortions (so they can slut themselves out, right?), or that most women who did have abortions ended up being depressed and regretful. Well, you know what - people do things that they regret later on in life everyday. Even decisions that were made after a long length of time, and at the time it seemed right, may end up being "not the best" in hind sight (switching jobs, buying a house, whatever). Point is, the fact that you MAY regret a decision, doesn't mean it should be outlawed. If that were the case, maybe we should outlaw DATING (because, really, we all have regrets about that), buying a house, switching jobs, or moving. Decisions must be made with all the facts and with due process (whatever that may be for her).
Women who terminate pregnancies are not "sluts" (poor decision makers may be appropriate at times). They are teenage girls who thought the boy "loved" them, or young women who just are not in a place to start a family, or a parent who knows that one more child will push it over the edge, or a woman who was raped at a party, or a female who is always very careful but one night the condom broke, or someone whose insurance refused to cover contraception and even after pulling out and using a condom it just happened. Or maybe someone who just got carried away one night and made a mistake. These are the face of evil or what is wrong with the world, apparently according to the anti-choicers. These women are human beings, just like you, who wish to make a decision related to THEIR body without YOU degrading them or YOU trying to make a decision that YOU have NOTHING to do with.
And, those that stand outside of clinics or hospitals where women have these procedures, you are scum. You are further degrading women and it is disgusting. You are no better and are generally hypocrites. The decision to terminate a pregnancy isn't something that you do on a whim. Unless you have been faced with the decision, you cannot speak to the agony that these women or couples go through in making this decision. To put these women or couples through further degradation beyond what they have already put themselves through is inhumane.
Another thing to remember is that Roe not only keeps abortion legal, it keeps it safe. I never lived in a time when a woman in this situation did not have a safe place to go should they be faced with this choice - although, they may have had to drive several counties over or across state lines for various issues. However, the history of how this women were medically treated is appalling - back alley (literally) procedures, unsanitary conditions, unlicensed "doctors," or being faced with a wire coat hanger in their bathroom. This left woman maimed, broken and sometimes sterile. Remember Penny in 'Dirty Dancing?' What would have happened to her if Dr. Housman wasn't there? I am not making light of it, but simply pointing out a very well known demonstration in pop culture.
I understand that people out there who are not supportive of the Roe decision do so for PERSONAL reasons... just like women who may be faced with this decision must make a PERSONAL decision for herself. Many women who are pro-choice who may be faced with this situation may determine that an abortion is NOT the best route - for her PERSONAL reasons, whether it be medical, religious or otherwise. But that is the whole point of all of this - it is a choice. And women should and must be able to have the ability to make a choice that is suitable for HER needs, for her own well being. It is not something that the general populace or the government or YOUR church should be a part of - this is a matter of privacy and personal decision.
And now, I hope that the Supreme Court continues to value to importance of the 14th (and 9th) amendment to ensure that we (all of us - men and women) are able to make determinations as it relates to our bodies for ourselves. You want to preach about liberty and freedom, well the Roe decision is primary example of such traits in this country. No one is forcing you do have an abortion, and therefore, just because YOU don't like it does not mean that it should be outlawed. That is true privacy and freedom.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Living someone else's life or dying alone.
I am afraid of dying alone. And I don't mean I will have never gotten married or had kids or a dog or even at least a long term "partner". I mean where everyone has left me behind - or maybe I left them behind.
I do most things in my life alone - go to the movies, go away for weekends, check out baseball games, go shopping, go to concerts, etc - whereas most others have a plus one to do that with. I enjoy my independence - my rules are the only ones that need to be followed, on my time, in my way. I have always been independent, but I think maybe my extreme take on it lately is the combination of missing out on stuff when I first moved to Albany alone (and I wasn't as bold about doing e'erything on my own), realizing that I don't want the world to pass me by, or the fact that I was in a relationship where I felt handcuffed into believing it wasn't OK to do things alone (you were a couple, you did things as a couple) - especially after I moved in.
I am not second guessing my decision to just go and do it - regardless of whether I am alone or not. But, I am thinking about what that may lead to down the road. Can I ever coexist again? What about all of those people in my life (ahem, pretty much all of them) who have that attachment to people - spouses, kids, whatever - where does that leave me with them? The way I see it now, I'm on the outside, and it won't get any different in the future. That is something I have chosen to do.
I am not going to apologizing for living - after all, life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! Why should I starve myself because others are anorexic?
But, where are the others? It is like I am the only one out there - I am the last of the single girls. So, I will keep on living, and see where the road goes. But, I must recognize that the road I am taking may be alone. At least I lived, and shared it with those who wanted to take that adventure with me. But, I lived MY life - no one else's.
I do most things in my life alone - go to the movies, go away for weekends, check out baseball games, go shopping, go to concerts, etc - whereas most others have a plus one to do that with. I enjoy my independence - my rules are the only ones that need to be followed, on my time, in my way. I have always been independent, but I think maybe my extreme take on it lately is the combination of missing out on stuff when I first moved to Albany alone (and I wasn't as bold about doing e'erything on my own), realizing that I don't want the world to pass me by, or the fact that I was in a relationship where I felt handcuffed into believing it wasn't OK to do things alone (you were a couple, you did things as a couple) - especially after I moved in.
I am not second guessing my decision to just go and do it - regardless of whether I am alone or not. But, I am thinking about what that may lead to down the road. Can I ever coexist again? What about all of those people in my life (ahem, pretty much all of them) who have that attachment to people - spouses, kids, whatever - where does that leave me with them? The way I see it now, I'm on the outside, and it won't get any different in the future. That is something I have chosen to do.
I am not going to apologizing for living - after all, life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! Why should I starve myself because others are anorexic?
But, where are the others? It is like I am the only one out there - I am the last of the single girls. So, I will keep on living, and see where the road goes. But, I must recognize that the road I am taking may be alone. At least I lived, and shared it with those who wanted to take that adventure with me. But, I lived MY life - no one else's.
Is there really an ideal guy for me? Only if he wears a uniform.
While at the Nats game last weekend with some of the college posse, and following several beers, the question was raised about what is my "ideal guy?" (Really, the question was, "if we were husband hunting, what type of guy would you look for?") I had no idea how to answer that. Then I thought about my past, who I was happiest with and what others have said about me - I need someone in uniform. Whether it is a member of the military or an athlete, those type of people make me happy (I was once happiest with someone who was both at one point). And I am not saying the mission of athletes is anywhere near what our military does, but merely on the surface, there are similarities.
My girlfriend's response was: "You're the type of person who is OK letting the dude have the spotlight, I'm not." I disagree - I think I am the type of person that is the accompanying spotlight... I can magnify the spotlight... be the burnt orange to their chicago maroon. I love being the center of attention (generally), but I also enjoy being able to get someone I love into the spotlight, or to make their lives better. I would love being that woman they come home to, who has kept their lives together, worked her tail off, and kept on trucking while they were out doing their jobs. And, I don't think it has much to do with the spotlight, but more of a mentality. Athletes and military men are similar - must abide by a schedule, a physical fitness requirement, dedication to the mission/winning, and personal and team responsibility in their work. I am by no means a perfect physical specimen and I love my junk food, but I think my personality accompanies these type of requirements - I love to work out, I can't sit still, and I love cheering for my boys (whether they be my sports boys or our soldiers). I can't deal with someone plopping on the couch (high or otherwise), unless it was to watch their work (ergo, sitting and watching games). I can be someone's personal cheerleader, and still be strong and independent (and be me).
Maybe it is the Annie Savoy in me.
So, Justin Turner, Ike Davis, DW... gimme a call.
My girlfriend's response was: "You're the type of person who is OK letting the dude have the spotlight, I'm not." I disagree - I think I am the type of person that is the accompanying spotlight... I can magnify the spotlight... be the burnt orange to their chicago maroon. I love being the center of attention (generally), but I also enjoy being able to get someone I love into the spotlight, or to make their lives better. I would love being that woman they come home to, who has kept their lives together, worked her tail off, and kept on trucking while they were out doing their jobs. And, I don't think it has much to do with the spotlight, but more of a mentality. Athletes and military men are similar - must abide by a schedule, a physical fitness requirement, dedication to the mission/winning, and personal and team responsibility in their work. I am by no means a perfect physical specimen and I love my junk food, but I think my personality accompanies these type of requirements - I love to work out, I can't sit still, and I love cheering for my boys (whether they be my sports boys or our soldiers). I can't deal with someone plopping on the couch (high or otherwise), unless it was to watch their work (ergo, sitting and watching games). I can be someone's personal cheerleader, and still be strong and independent (and be me).
Maybe it is the Annie Savoy in me.
So, Justin Turner, Ike Davis, DW... gimme a call.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
When you come to a fork in the road - take it.
As I wrapped up my trip to VA, I realized that I am on a much different track than other people in my life. At first I thought many of those around these parts were living in the past - surrounding themselves with people from high school, and having lives revolve around their kids. They just didn't seem like they were moving forward, but staying stagnant. Then, I realized - I am more the one living in the past. I am still living the single life even as I push 30. I don't have a boyfriend, nor do I want one. I don't have kids, and I sure as hell don't want them now. I still rent and do many things on my own - because I can.
I took a fork in the road and I took it. I could have decided that I wanted to stay for that him, get married and pop out babies (because I knew he wouldn't leave with me). I could have pushed to fix that relationship in grad school, but I thought it would slow me (and him) down (and we were dysfunctional, but that's another story). I could have given in alot more to that certain kid in order to make it easier for him, but then that just wouldn't be me. So now he has a gf that feels "respected and loved" - I can either say "you're welcome" or realize that maybe her definition of respect and love are very different from mine. And if that's the case, I feel sorry for her.
That was the fork I took - I demand the world in return for my life plan to change. Until you can offer me that, I am not going to budge. Those people that took the other fork appeared to have gotten their "world" or at least followed their game plan. They dreamed of a husband and kids when they were growing up, I dreamed of a being a powerful career woman changing the world and livin' it up. Forever. The only reason I would think about getting married would be the awesome party I wanted to throw; the only kids I thought that may live with me would be the kids who came to visit me for the summer. I guess that's the road I am on for now. Well, probably forever.
Just because people's idea of the 'world' or their acceptance of the 'world' they were faced with is different than mine, doesn't mean they are going in circles or idling, they just took a different fork.
I took mine.
I took a fork in the road and I took it. I could have decided that I wanted to stay for that him, get married and pop out babies (because I knew he wouldn't leave with me). I could have pushed to fix that relationship in grad school, but I thought it would slow me (and him) down (and we were dysfunctional, but that's another story). I could have given in alot more to that certain kid in order to make it easier for him, but then that just wouldn't be me. So now he has a gf that feels "respected and loved" - I can either say "you're welcome" or realize that maybe her definition of respect and love are very different from mine. And if that's the case, I feel sorry for her.
That was the fork I took - I demand the world in return for my life plan to change. Until you can offer me that, I am not going to budge. Those people that took the other fork appeared to have gotten their "world" or at least followed their game plan. They dreamed of a husband and kids when they were growing up, I dreamed of a being a powerful career woman changing the world and livin' it up. Forever. The only reason I would think about getting married would be the awesome party I wanted to throw; the only kids I thought that may live with me would be the kids who came to visit me for the summer. I guess that's the road I am on for now. Well, probably forever.
Just because people's idea of the 'world' or their acceptance of the 'world' they were faced with is different than mine, doesn't mean they are going in circles or idling, they just took a different fork.
I took mine.
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